I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you have friends around you (even if it doesn't [i]always[i] help).
I'm not sure what suggestions I can give, as at the moment I am on medication and counselling. The counselling is tough, needing to talk about things that resulted to this point in the first place. But I am just perservering with it hoping at some point I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to help, just wanted you to know that you are not alone on here.