Stuck in a rut it sounds, nothing worse, you crave security but you are miserable with whom you are gaining security from but the thought of letting go is so terrifying you daren't let go. Its a horrid horrid feeling. I suggest take small steps, i personally can only focus on one thing at a time, so find something, maybe try to go the gym each evening and literally MAKE yourself go. You need to force yourself to do something (PURELY FOR YOU) out of your usual routine, i find doing this snaps my brain out of that road to self destruction at least for enough time so i can start the cogs in my brain turning enough to focus on tasks. Ill be honest the gym is like an escape for me as soon as that gym door shuts behind me, i feel safe and that nobody knows where i am
Try talking to someone impartial, there is nothing more frustrating that trying to explain to people who don't suffer from depression or anxiety how it feels, especially when you know the person and you are close to them. No matter how many times you try to explain they will never fully understand enough to support you the way you truly need.
You are not alone feeling like this, its horrible but you will find a path … start with a small task/change and build from here, don't rush, build up your confidence to make rational decisions & move forward. You will get there