Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

If you're new and want to say hello...
Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:34 pm

Hi
Im such a freaking failure!
i today went to my therapy session with a goal to get my therapist to record her voice i asked her last week and she asked me to ask her family as she didnt want me to rely on her and take my independence away!.
Today i nearly was there and so close to her recording something on my phone and then i throw in a comment "are you sure im not making you feel awkward doing this?! and then she says "well now thinking it would be wrong of me to take your independence away from you" ive come home harmed myself and beaten myself up im so stupid i should have stuck with it and not said anything argh! stupid me, any advice should I next week go in and say what i did because i didnt achieve what i set out to achieve and how helpful it would be just for the week to have that there and how important it would be for her to record something we've written out a list together of what to do when i get in a state like bullet points like"breathe your ok" but that doesnt help i need her voice! i guess i could ask her next week if she could record what we wrote together and then i could record it also and then we could delete her version the next week and keep mine on there and then shes not taking my indepence away from me!. WHY CANT I SAY THIS IN OUR SESSION im so furious with myself im such a freak and a failure.
I am so close to my female therapist and i cant bare therapy ending and the bond breaking

I cant cope it sounds stupid but i cant i need to see her again now and it was all becauase my train was late and i was on pressure the whole time thinking of being late even though i rang her and then when i got there i didnt really say what i wanted to say because i knew we wouldnt have the full time and i was on edge about telling her everything.

What a mess i want to die it would be better off if i did!.
Help
Katie
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

isabelledefrance
Posts: 752
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:18 pm
Location: Planet Earth (most of the time, sometimes lala land)
Contact:

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby isabelledefrance » Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:56 am

katie, you are not a failure. as to how to tell your therapist, how about copying and pasting your post and e-mailing to her. you could print it off and give it to her of course, but by e-mailing her you just press a couple of buttons and might therefore stop you from giving it to much though of "shall I shan't I" . sometimes putting things in writing as an when they go through your mind helps. and then "just" show her in writing your feelings. not easy I know, but once you manage to let her know exactly how you feel then she will be able to help you much more. good luck, and keep going, and keep posting x
Do not let feelings lie to you, do not let your emotions bully you x

User avatar
judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby judithj » Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:46 pm

i think you need to think about why she felt this would be taking away your independence. at some point your therapy will end, and so you won't see your therapist again. you can't rely on her to manage your feelings for you either in person or through a recording, because then you're not learning to manage them for yourself. the only person who can be available for you 24/7/365 is you, so you have to take the responsibility for managing your feelings is you. also, she is a professional, and allowing her voice to be recorded like that may be seen as encouraging dependency. finally, once you have a recording of her, she has no control over what you do with that: what if you put it on youtube, or made copies and gave them to other people? hugs, Judith xxx

craziememe
Posts: 5638
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 9:00 pm
Location: northwest england
Contact:

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby craziememe » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:14 pm

i really feel for you cos im dreading it when my therapy ends too. what will i do i cant live without her and my safe place on a monday. the only safe place ive got and shes the only person who knows practically everything the only person in the world. except for them.
my therapist keeps it proffesional though but im sure she knows how much i rely on her. i worry so much for the future then hate myself for being so dependant on others really hate myself even with my sw ive not seen her for about two weeks and ive practically died without her, and my support worker too. and if my mum goes on holiday or something all hell breaks loose. god i hate myself for being like this.
anyway just want to say i get how you feel. sorry for the ramble.
keep posting here you arent alone xx
Craziememe

Aisha85
Posts: 466
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 8:57 pm

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby Aisha85 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:27 pm

Katie, I am so sorry for how you are feeling. You are NOT a failure. I don't have any great advice because I am really struggling right now too but I have faith that all will be ok. Please don't give up.

Sending u a supportive hug x

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Thu Jan 05, 2012 6:07 pm

Hi Everyone
Thank you all so mcuh for your supportive messages.
Do you think even though ive brung it up with her twice now do you think me suggesting we record it together and bringing up the topic again would make her angry?.
Also craziememe Im so scared of it ending ive written her 2 letters saying how much she means to me! but obviously they we cant have a personal realtionship and again ive asked her twice about this so next week would me bringing it up again and asking her thata fter therapy weather i become confident not confident anxious not anxious stressed not stressed have friends have no friends im going to feel the same about her and the situation, and all shes said is that this is a therpautic relationship,
But like i say im always going to have problems and even if we make the depression go away a bit its still going to be there?! so jsut having her like seeing her once every 2 weeks would mean the world.
I have no friends never have done so in my eyes shes become my friend she knows more about me than my family does, always when a sessions ends im already counting down the days till i next see her so thats why a recording of me and her together would really help ebcause i dont have a her number or a email.
So do you think i should borach these subjects again even though ive brought them up twice?
KAtie
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

User avatar
judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby judithj » Thu Jan 05, 2012 6:54 pm

i don't think you should. she's right: this is a professional relationship and you need to move on from it. it is quite common for patients to become attached to their therapists: it's called "transference". for more info look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference. although this mentions psychoanalysis, it can occur during other therapeutic relationships and your therapist would acting very unprofessionally if she continued a personal relationship with you. if it were found out, she'd probably lose her job, apart from anything else.
she probably won't be angry if you raise the matter again, but no matter how often you raise it, the answer will be "no", hugs, Judith xxx

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:08 pm

Thanks judith
I know im werid pocessive and obessive but i dont mean a personal realtionship though i understand that, but still a therputic realtionship in a setting like we are in now so i can see her once a week still in that setting to talk about my problems,i know i need to get over it but i cant she means so much to me. shes the only person who ive told everything about my life, its the only place where i can feel safe and secure and as soon as im out of that room i feel like ive been thrown in a river and im struggling to keep going and im drowning! pathetic i know but because ive never ever had friends or someone close who i can talk to ive got really close to her
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you

User avatar
judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby judithj » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:13 pm

i understand what you mean, but it's not going to happen unless she decides for some reason that you need to continue therapy - if there is a limit on the number of sessions, then that won't be possible. i think you need to start thinking about other ways of finding people to talk to: for example, are there any informal or self-help groups that you could get to? hugs, Judith xxx

Aleshadxcherylc
Posts: 1202
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:28 pm

Re: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE !

Postby Aleshadxcherylc » Thu Jan 05, 2012 8:04 pm

Im going to see her on tuesday so i'll be able to bring it up with her, im on CBT treatment so we have review sessions every 6 weeks which i dread!.
Do you go to therapy or councilling?.
I have a socail fear also so its more diffcult for me to go into new situations with people
katie
x
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you


Return to “Newbies Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 29 guests

cron