Thanks for the welcomes
i realised last night this depression actually started in May last year, not september. i know cos it was shortly after my friend had her baby and he's one already.
I've been on the waiting list for help from the local mental health team since september, but nothings come of it. I had a few brief sessions with a counsellor from another nhs service but after 4 sessions of me feeling awkward and her not really talking much she said there was nothing she could do for me, which made me really angry. even if that were true, telling me i'm a hopeless case isn't exactly the thing to say to someone suffering from depression. for all she knows, i could have gone home and offed myself because of her comment. and i'm not a hopeless case, she was just a useless counsellor. i thought they were supposed to talk you through things, ask you questions that make you think about stuff, etc. not "oh well, they don't know how to open up, it's pointless trying!"
i'm sure i just need to find the right counsellor though. i know it's supposed to be a lot of me talking and them listening but i need someone who's at least going to talk back, i hate one sided conversations because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and i'm hardly going to open up to somebody who makes me feel uncomfortable!