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Developed an extreme phobia of men sexualising women

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Developed an extreme phobia of men sexualising women

Postby candicec » Sat Aug 31, 2019 10:22 pm

Okay so I couldn’t think of a proper title but I’ve been having a terrible problem the last few years. I dated this guy who was really rich, however, for some reason him and his group of friends thought they were drake or Chris brown in a music video. Meaning they would go out clubbing and popping bottles, bragging about themselves and then going to strip clubs and bragging about having sex with prositutes. I initially didn’t really know this and feel for him because of his kindness and maturity. However as the relationship went on I found out more and more about him and his personality came forward. So he’d be crazy into partying and showing off. In front of me. He’d brag with us friends about all these strip clubs he’d go to, how many hot girls there were in the club last night. When we’d watch tv and a scene with strippers in a room or anything like that came on he’d comment saying “guys, that’s the life” or “man I’d kill for a life like that” I was young so wasn’t smart enough to dump his ass (and yeah he cheated on me a lot at the red light district but I didn’t know until after we broke up) Anyway fast forward, during our last year before we broke up, I began to experience a lot of insecurities. These eventually became a lot more intense as to me sitting down and thinking about what goes through a guys head when he sees films hyping up having strippers at a party, prostitutes or sex scenes, even music videos with naked girls in them. I’m a damn psychologist and I can’t even help myself or figure this out! I mean, I went to Vegas for a family holiday and all I could think about was “oh I bet there’s loads of guys at a strip club right now” these questions revolve around “do guys still respect women when they’re having fun like this?” “What about guys from conservative countries (my ex)”? What do they feel when they see all these kinds of things around them?” I mean I know a lot of guys that have done it, but none of them had bragged about it or see it as an amazing thing like my ex (other than guys boasting about it in music videos). But yeah, it’s haunting me and I don’t know why. Do guys think they’re making a fool out of their gfs/ wives? I don’t enjoy listening to sexual music anymore or even music videos/ films/ shows because I can’t help thinking what a guy would think if he watched this e.g, in power, it showed a group of strippers in a hotel room and my ex went on about how he wanted this on his bachelor party or when he went on holiday. What if my future bf/ fiancé does this for his party? Or thinks this stuff?? PLEASE HELP ME, I FEEL LIKE I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO IS STRUGGLING WITH THIS :( :( :(

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Re: Developed an extreme phobia of men sexualising women

Postby hyster » Sun Sep 01, 2019 6:13 pm

people sexualizing the opposite is normal and has always happened.
the guys ur on about id classify as players, woman are just sex objects to them. probably there money made them think they could do what they want, it dt help that woman chase rich guys and do what ever to land them.

normal guys wouldnt brag about being with a prostitute, personally id never even think about seeing 1.

id guess u just look at the wrong type of guys.

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Re: Developed an extreme phobia of men sexualising women

Postby rsxo » Thu Sep 05, 2019 10:12 pm

Hey :)

I can understand why you're worried about this, given your experience with your ex. And for sure, there are some men that view women in this way. But that's one type of person - there are so many other men that don't act like that at all, but I'm sure you know that. At the moment, it sounds like you're stuck on this point - I think it's a point of accepting that not everyone is going to hold agreeable attitudesx

Much love <3
RSxo <3

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Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:32 pm

Re: Developed an extreme phobia of men sexualising women

Postby minniemoo » Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:41 pm

Perhaps it’s just that your eyes have been open to a serious issue and you now notice the injustice all around you. Sexism, power inequalities... the questions you are asking yourself are not crazy ones.

Perhaps there is a way, through your work, that you could help expose the issues or support women.

Not all men are like this but yes there are a lot of issues with this still in our culture. I don’t think most men are making fools of their partners, my husband definitely respects me.

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