OK, hello ladies!! Where do I start? For one, I am new to posting on forums but am happy to be here today. I am a recently turned 28 year old mom of 2 who has been in 2 horrible relationships the past 9 years. My first sons father cheated on me and put hands on me, the second was the same, both alcoholics but put on an act to make it seem like he was perfect. The first ones dad is dating some young girl (poor victim) and living in her home with her and her mom, the second is in prison fro involuntary manslaughter (dumbass). They both made me feel ugly and worthless due to wrinkles and stretchmarks that I experienced having two c sections bringing my miracles into the world. I dodged not one... but 2 BULLETS with those guys. I love my sons and don't regret them, but their dads hurt me a lot. Not to mention I was a month shy of 19 before having my first son, my tummy looked like a garbage bag, as my first describe it, he said no one would ever love me with a jacked up belly. Luckily I found a nice guy who the boys love and even call dad. He is wonderful, but my over jealous insane ways are not so wonderful, more like bat shit PSYCHO lol
. I'm talking STRAIGHT JEALOUS. T.V., the movies, the beach, you name it! He is Jamaican, never had a girlfriend, and were going strong 2 years now, he just turned 26 and claims he was blessed to get me always calling me beautiful, but I hate my tummy and get so insecure about it if we go somewhere and women are flaunting their perfect UN-mummy tummies everywhere. For crying out loud I won't even step foot in hooters! You see, my exes had a way of watching nudity, porn and women who are way hotter than me on t.v., they always told me that these woman were hotter, my second ex had an addiction with following tatted chicks on facebook that drove me insane! Here's a descriptive view on me I'm Dominican, 5'4, 110 pounds and still thin, but not curvy at all. I was left with this excess tummy that bulges out that I freaking hate! I feel so ugly and depressed when I see a pretty young and firm tight skinned female around my man. He never looks at these women, before we even dated, I told him I was damaged goods, that I had a damaged heart and that I never would believe I was pretty body wise, only face wise. I've been to counseling but "spotting the damn imperfections" doesn't work! Not only that but I prohibit him from looking at anyone but me, but I CAN'T CONTROL WHERE THESE WOMEN WILL BE AT! These Kim K, Nicky Minaj fake ass women (I mean if the y are real kudos to them right, but still) I've heard it all, every woman has their own unique shape that makes them beautiful, but still! The worst part is that if I see a female in a bathing suit and she's nice to me, I can't be freaking mean! I can't hate a real woman! Isn't that weird? Only the ones on t.v. and magazines, For starters, my guy is very tel-evident. He loves t.v. but not mature shows, just stupid crap that has no naked woman. but I'll catch him on youtube listening to music from Jamaica and GOD KNOWS I look nothing like those butt in fused booties and bodies lol. Meanwhile I have the body of a young girl in her teens, but ewww I'm 28! He doesn't look at the videos but they are playing and I still notice it, like WTF! Bitches twerking and all that? I have enough lingerie to put Rihanna out of business with her savage fenty line lol (jk) But I have a lot! But he's so into his phone and t.v. and not special time with me, that I have nothing but nightmares of him and naked females. Our relationship is rocky and we have been trying for some time to communicate but he shuts down and isn't having it when I feel ugly or insecure about my looks. He says he only has eyes for me and I feel sorry fr him because he is genuinely a good guy, BUT I told him that I am jacked up in the head. It goes farther back than my exes, it starts with my dad. When I was a kid, my uncle and dad had a stash of porn magazines and dvd's they often revised in secret. My mom says she never minded, but I would have!!! The hell!!! She knew about it and acted like it was nothing. My mom deserved better than that, but she loved my dad and swears that it's normal, NOT TO ME! My guy don't even beat his meat which is a rare find lol I swore up and down I would not be like her, obedient and quiet and just letting my future husband ridicule and embarrass me like that in front of friends. They literally would talk for hours about how fine this magazine model or porn star was, right in front of their women!! He even told my mom to lose weight several times, and worse, they wouldn't even pay mind to the women in their life. NOPE! I speak my mind. And now I am in a committed relationship for the third time anxious and upset every other week. Just yesterday, my boyfriend mentioned his co-workers talking about game of thrones, THE GAME OF THRONES, and I was talking about going to a laser surgeon to look better and less ugly for him. He got sad and said he would never disrespect me watching that show, I am blessed honestly. But what is wrong with me? I can't stand better looking woman than me. I have a whole case full of issues and I know it, I am not normal. The only porn I watch is my boyfriend and I's homemade videos, and we usually watch it together, but I can't stand the imperfect things about me in it. All he sees is perfection. I wish I could see myself the way he sees me through his eyes:'( Broken mom of 2 here, who feels me knocking?