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Vent about marriage

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
stella7
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun May 05, 2019 8:59 pm

Vent about marriage

Postby stella7 » Sun May 05, 2019 9:00 pm

Hi,

This is my first post. I joined due to an ongoing problem with my marriage. I suppose I’m not looking for advice, just a place to vent my anger, frustration and sadness.

About 6 months ago, my husband was unfaithful (we have only been married 2 years). We spent some time apart and decided that we both wanted to be together. I specified that things needed to change in order for this to be the case- things like honesty, affection etc.

Since then, we’ve been having good times together and trying to spend more time together and going on dates. However, I’ve always felt that I have to be immediately ok with the past situation and I’m not allowed to talk about it.

This weekend, husband went on a stag do. He knew I was feeling anxious about him going away and the type of laddish behaviour that goes on. Me being this emotional, neurotic person checks his laptop as his photos sync to it. I see photos of him holding a girl’s hand talking closely to her. I see a video of him wasted saying “she wants my d”. I see a video of his friend saying to him “get your d out for ***”(name of person he was unfaithful with). He also told me just now that he was sharing a room with the one lad in the group that he has kissed before and has a bit of a crush on (a different person who he told me he’d be sharing with).

Im so angry, upset and hurt. I know he hasn’t been unfaithful again, but all of these things are still hurtful towards me. When I brought this up with him he said “I’ve tried and I’ve been good”. But in my eyes, this isn’t being good. That isn’t what a husband should do in my eyes and I feel like he’s not being very thoughtful about my feelings.

Am I just being emotional and over the top?

bluebell123
Posts: 399
Joined: Mon May 02, 2016 9:09 pm

Re: Vent about marriage

Postby bluebell123 » Mon May 06, 2019 8:11 am

Firstly you are absolutley justified in what you are feeling. This man i'm afraid to say just doesn't have your moral compass, sorry to be blunt but if i were you i would get out of the relationship pretty quick. It is no reflection on you that he has behaved this way, be try and be strong and know that. He is just a rotter. There are many good men out there, and you are obviously a person who is capable of being a good partner too, score this up to bad luck. A note from personal experience although this may not be the case with you, the charming exciting men usually behave like this. I had to adjust my thinkinking and see behind men who initially appeared less exciting and really rather ordinary before i made a better relationsip. Aisling.

dizzy.miss.lizzy
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri May 17, 2019 1:18 am

Re: Vent about marriage

Postby dizzy.miss.lizzy » Sat May 18, 2019 12:29 am

Disrespect is disrespect and you deserve better. He;s being a dick and sounds like he thinks he can continue to get away with it.

Honest and open communications are urgently required saying it like it is, with plenty of "I feel this way" and "I feel that way" is required, and new boundaries need to be set and firmly adhered to.

He should be made aware that his "what she don't see can't hurt her" counts for jack because he is already damaging your relationship and risking your future because he isn't choosing to get what he needs from his wife.

Could you get couple counselling where you are maybe? Also hope he hasn't been putting your health at risk so best to get to the clinic for tests if you haven't already done so. (And they say romance is dead, but it's the side of life we can't escape I guess)

I really hope you can sort it out and get this silly man to see which side his bread is buttered.

Good luck x

rsxo
Posts: 962
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Vent about marriage

Postby rsxo » Sun May 19, 2019 3:04 pm

Welcome!x
RSxo <3


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