So bit of background. Work as a teacher, have had depression for several years but this year it's been really bad.
Have been under crisis team etc and have made 2 suicide attempts.
Through all of this I have continued to work as work is a safe place for me.
Line manager has been aware and was (I thought) supportive, telling me constantly that I was doing a good job and that he would tell me if there was a problem.
Forward to this week. Due to a change in medication I had a really bad day and self harmed at work (very early in the morning before anyone else was on site). Now having been encouraged to talk to my line manager when struggling, I went to see him.
He helped me get help and before the end of the day I had seen my gp and was tucked up in bed.
Next day, work as usual, and no one from senior management spoke to me.
Next day however was different. All of a sudden I am told I must self certify as sick and then get a sick note from the doctor.
Well this was a bombshell and not what I wanted or needed at all, but luckily my GP agreed and would not sign.me off.
The problem is I'm still not being allowed back. The person I trusted at work has used everything I told him against me as evidence. My husband and some close colleagues are supportive but I don't feel I can tell anyone how I'm feeling - I'm scared ymthey will use it as evidence I shouldn't be at work.
Each hour of not knowing when I can go back is like torture, and I'm becoming more stressed and more down. I can't use my normal coping mechanisms as it will show everyone I'm struggling.
Who can I trust??