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Hating the people you love *SH trigger*

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:33 am
by vitasw
Ah! I'm on vacation visiting some good friends of mine who I am so happy to see. It should be great but I feel fucking crazy, i work so hard to keep a grip on my mental health. I make an effort to keep a sleep schedule, have semi regular meals, see my counsellor, self care all to prevent me from literally destroying myself. I feel I'm making such an effort to be laid back on this holiday for my friends and "go with the flow" but I feel guilt tripped because I want to sleep at 1 am instead of 4, or because I don't really want a 6th drink before dinnertime. I just feel like I'm made out to be the downer or being unsociable and yet I travelled hours to see them (which is very stressful and potential triggering for me) and I've spent quite a bit of money.
This is a druid problem. I am stupid, what is wrong with me? Why can't I be happy or normal?

Re: Hating the people you love *SH trigger*

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:38 am
by vitasw
I'm crying on the floor of a hostel bathroom like a lunatic.

Re: Hating the people you love *SH trigger*

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2018 11:42 am
by rsxo
Hi vitasw,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can certainly relate - I've been in the same position as you several times. It's good that you work hard to keep sleep, nutrition and wellbeing in check. But you're clearly concerned about how the others will perceive you if you don't go along with what they say, and yet you realise that this is affecting your wellbeing a lot.

I think that your wellbeing is far more important than being called "unsociable". You said that you spent a lot of money and time to be here - so why spend the time here ruining your wellbeing? Of course, you should spend time with others, but you need to mediate between spending time with friends and looking after yourself. Being laidback and "going with the flow" is not an excuse to ruin your wellbeing - you can easily be both without harming your wellbeing!x

Much love <3

Re: Hating the people you love *SH trigger*

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:00 pm
by PureFrustr8d
Oh no what a shame...

I hope you got up off that floor and went to bed.

How do you feel today? Just forget what people think, you are on holiday for yourself not anyone else. It could be that your friends are just trying to encourage you to let go the way they do and that there is no harm meant at all. Most folk drink in the middle of the day and don't sleep til the wee hours :P You just have to do what's best for you though.

Draw a line in the sand and start again. I hope you are somewhere nice and sunny 8-)

Take it easy,
Peace

Re: Hating the people you love *SH trigger*

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2018 10:45 am
by vitasw
Thank you so much for your replies guys.

I did manage to find a better balance for the rest of the trip - it seems silly now but I had a much better time when I stopped worrying so much about looking like I was having a good time. I also realised that maybe I was being too sensitive to their emotions/comments and was maybe reading into it or projecting more than I should have (which can happen when I am stressed or down).

I'm really happy I could come to this forum when I felt like I was falling apart. Thanks again x