Ah! I'm on vacation visiting some good friends of mine who I am so happy to see. It should be great but I feel fucking crazy, i work so hard to keep a grip on my mental health. I make an effort to keep a sleep schedule, have semi regular meals, see my counsellor, self care all to prevent me from literally destroying myself. I feel I'm making such an effort to be laid back on this holiday for my friends and "go with the flow" but I feel guilt tripped because I want to sleep at 1 am instead of 4, or because I don't really want a 6th drink before dinnertime. I just feel like I'm made out to be the downer or being unsociable and yet I travelled hours to see them (which is very stressful and potential triggering for me) and I've spent quite a bit of money.
This is a druid problem. I am stupid, what is wrong with me? Why can't I be happy or normal?