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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
justextremes
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:20 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby justextremes » Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:45 am

Hello Everyone!

I am so relieved that I found this thread. I had been in tears wondering if I was the only person who felt this way. My boyfriend loves tv and I have lost interest because so many things have nudity in them. I get really uncomfortable when I know he’s watching those shows. It’s gotten to the point where we limit what we actually watch together it often ends up being Disney movies lol. He still watches his shows away from me so I can’t see or hear the sex scenes.

It’s really putting a strain on our relationship because he does not understand where I’m coming from and thinks it’s just a part of the way things are. But he will still avoid watching shows like that if I’m around (we live together so it’s hard) Problem is I don’t agree with the way things are. I wish he was only seeing my body. But I never want to control what he likes for shows cause he’s reassured me multiple times that he watches for the story and doesn’t care about the nudity.

Thanks so much everyone I feel less alone :). This thread has actually had me smiling ear to ear because I honestly thought I was the only one.

birddoggo
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:32 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby birddoggo » Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:41 am

.Hi, all. I'm 38 from the U.S., and I, too, feel the same way. Like most of you, I feel shame and when I've tried to talk about this issue with therapists, they also tell me the same things: insecurity, extreme jealousy, all men are wired to be visual, et. cetera.

What it comes down to for me is that when I am in a relationship with someone, I'm all in (heart, mind, and soul, for lack of better words). If I see another attractive man, it's just that- he's attractive. I don't become aroused and I don't feel compelled to stare. On the other hand, men can't seem to help themselves with becoming enthralled by every attractive woman they see. My issue is not that they find other women attractive, but that attractive women have so much effect on them (men in relationships, not single ones.) People like to say that just because they're married, they're not blind or dead. But for me, something changes when I have feelings for someone, and I would have to force myself to be interested in lusting for anyone else other than my partner-on a screen or in real life. Why is it controlling for expecting my partner to feel the same way in regards to other people as I do myself? I wish I could wrap my head around this.

I also can't reconcile when people say that a man in a relationship viewing suggestive images of women shouldn't be an issue because it's something that's never going to happen- it's just a fantasy, a piece of paper, a tv show, etc. To me, continuing to view these types of visuals is a choice, and the only thing that's preventing them from acting on these arousals is the reality that most men simply aren't desirable enough for those types of women to want them. It's not because of a lack of interest or desire on their part, but because those women wouldn't want them, and I think it speaks to the intent of men's hearts. They love to say "it's never gonna happen" as if that is supposed to make us feel better? Even if I could have the 'hottest' man in the world, no thanks, I'm head over heels for the person I'm with

I have been struggling with this since I was a teenager, and I really thought this was something that I would outgrow with age. I hope that statement doesn't discourage anyone, and that we all can find out how to be happy again. I can't tell you what a relief it was to find this site- I really thought I was the only one consulting the IMDB Parent's Guide. I do feel like we are suffering as the result of being highly conscious of a moral societal flaw, but if so few of us feel this way, I also consider the idea that I may have some sort of distortion going on in how I am looking at this issue, too, to some degree. (Everyone has some distortion one way or another about something.) And, I say that with love and sincerity and not out of any judgment. Because I know the absolute hell that this is, and I'm open to anything that will help me have a better life. I look forward to joining the WhatsApp group and learning from you all.

freckles
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:21 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby freckles » Thu Apr 02, 2020 8:52 am

I also, like many of the other women and people on here cannot begin to explain how happy I am to have found this forum. I have the same phobia/problem/stress about this in my relationship. I asked my boyfriend one day if he watched porn and he said he didn't watch porn videos but webcam shows instead. As soon as those words left his lips my heart crumbled into a million tiny pieces and I had a pretty severe mental breakdown. To me it was SO much worse for him to be watching women live, and possibly spending money to see them do the things he wanted. The idea of him scrolling through pages upon pages of women to find what would get him off--like he's "shopping"-- sickened me. Not only did it bother me that he was apart of the huge objectification of women (I have nothing against the women as sex workers, I'm more against the men exploiting them) but the idea that he was interacting with women on a more personal level and getting off to them made my heart drop to my stomach. I tried to explain to him how I felt and he could not wrap his head around it. I feel so confused and anxious as to why I feel this way because I'm only 19 and typically girls my age or at least the ones I have tried to talk to about this have said it didn't bother them and that they sometimes even watch porn with their SO. After I discussed all my feelings with him I felt better but I never explicitly asked him to stop watching and now I'm too scared to ask.

Recently we've been watching shows together and there have been scenes with topless women and I always find an excuse to leave the room to prevent myself from crying/freaking out. He also has been playing The Witcher which is a video game that has quite a bit of nudity. I'm so baffled that he would play a game like this in front of me especially after the huge breakdown I had. Now anytime we turn on any show or I see him play any game my heart starts beating so fast and I get so anxious I can barely handle it. I know he loves me and would never cheat on me, and typically people say it's okay for men to find other women attractive because its impossible for the human brain to not respond the way they do, but the idea of him even just finding other women pretty makes me so furious. I want to be the only woman in his life and I know I can't prevent him from seeing women in the world but is it so much to ask for him to not watch porn or media that have naked women in them? I think its such a societal standard that "men watch porn" and "they can't help it", but I'm a firm believer in complete self control and that porn is something that is a completely unnecessary aspect of life that brings no loss to anyone's relationship.

I constantly have these thoughts of him thinking of women besides me or women other than me during sex or wishing I was prettier or sexier and I cannot control them. I'm trying to find a therapist to help me deal with most likely my underlying insecurities but I also truly believe many of my thoughts are reasonable. Does anyone have any advice or coping mechanisms or just ideas of how to bring these up to my boyfriend? I'm so sorry for all the ramblings and run-on sentences but thank you for reading and I'm glad I now know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

erika154
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2020 1:58 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby erika154 » Mon Apr 06, 2020 2:02 am

nathalielive wrote:I literally thought i was the only person on earth suffering from this type of thing. I sent you a friend request krystal, I really believe we can help each other out and go through this! Contact me Xx


Hey!! I am so late to this. But I would also love to join you guys. I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety thiking of my boyfriend watching naked women on shows. I aslo believe we can help each other an go thorugh this together :)

erika154
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2020 1:58 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby erika154 » Mon Apr 06, 2020 2:14 am

birddoggo wrote:.Hi, all. I'm 38 from the U.S., and I, too, feel the same way. [......]

Because I know the absolute hell that this is, and I'm open to anything that will help me have a better life. I look forward to joining the WhatsApp group and learning from you all.


Hi!!! I am aslo so glad I found this! I strongly relate to what everyone is saying. How could I join the WhatsApp group? I would love to join and become part of this supportive community

erika154
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2020 1:58 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby erika154 » Mon Apr 06, 2020 2:46 am

erza wrote:
heyyyou wrote:
erza wrote:Hey guys. I’ve been experiencing the same thing with my boyfriend and I hate it.

Ok so, it all started when he told me he watched game of thrones, Maybe what he says is true? Maybe he really isn’t into other women or watchea porn or anything. But then again, that just feels like a dream rather than reality. :cry:



I relate to this so hard. I want to bust in tears and just hug you because I honestly went through the same thing. I just don’t know how to help either or what to do!


Omg, I just want to hug you too! I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s really not okay, you deserve so much more, we all do. We have to stay strong! Would you like to add me on Facebook? I can create WhatsApp if it’s be easier



Hi guys! I also want to hug you and all the women who go through this! I would love to add you on Facebook or joing your WhatsApp group! I literally just made an account on this website because of this post

justausername
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:34 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby justausername » Thu Apr 09, 2020 4:14 pm

Maybe there is a way for us to organize and get the word out there about what this bombardment is doing to normal women. I know it's a long shot, but the representation of women's bodies in shows these days is seriously damaging, and something really should be done about it. I'd love to join that group chat if you guys set something up.

veeveee
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2020 3:25 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby veeveee » Sat Apr 18, 2020 3:34 pm

Just wow. I never realized how not alone I've been in this for so long. It drives me crazy. I don't want it though. I'm not even like this when I'm single. When I'm single, I don't care what anyone does. When I'm with someone, after a while, after deep feelings of love develop, then it hurts more and more to feel like I'm not good enough. I'm not ugly, I am adventurous in bed, like in will try anything fantasy wise my partner wants to do together. I feel like there is no need for it. BUT, I am lost and confused. My partner of a few years has recently tried to dump me, telling me that I literally control his thoughts. My constant saddening or reacting everytime something pops on the screen, or even has trickled into real like women walking down the street, he feels anxious and scared like he doesn't even know how to react. I feel toxic. I feel wrong. This all feels wrong, but the jealousy or just feeling of worthlessness is so real.

Trust meeeeeee, when I say, that being upset over a nipple on the screen isn't worth your loving relationship. I'm now here filled with regret and sadness for destroying everything over something that feels so stupid and insignificant now.

I've honestly tried to control the thoughts. Tried to tell myself to chill. Tried to calm myself down. Stop over thinking. Suppress my feelings. And I failed. So. I really don't know what's right. It's not right to not be able to feel how we feel but it's also not right to put another person through hell because of it. :!: #lost

Oh, and one more thing I wanted to say...im curious if anyone else has thought of this regarding the dreaded game of thrones. I've had my fair share of boughts over this stupid show. I hate it. I hate that it's all female nudity, blah blah blah, I've read all your posts and you get it. BUT the excuse I heard was "it's an Era piece, this stuff happened" it progresses the story. Whatever. Okay. So in that Era...all of the women were waxed totally clean and their pussys perfect!? Nahhhh. If it's not for male entertainment and it really is to be part of the story, then keep it real.

End rant.

moon-lit
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Apr 26, 2020 6:51 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby moon-lit » Sun Apr 26, 2020 7:33 am

Im so happy i found this forum! Im really late, but im certain since finding all this, that there are other women that will stumble upon it just like i have! I have felt this way for so many years, and have been ashamed every step of the way. Sooooo wish it didnt bother me. But i have also strongly felt it to be a moral issue. Logically, it makes sense that your partner should only be looking at you if they truly love you! I personally do not feel the want/need to ogle at what society calls an attractive man. My same complaint is why is it necessary to have all naked women everywhere?! It's really....not. It's to make more money, all the while damaging real women and relationships in the process. We cannot help how we feel, and men should be able to control their actions, right? I know i can absolutely control what im looking at and watching, why cant he? And if something like that hurts him, id stop and change it immediately! About an hour ago, my husband (of 13 years) and i were sitting on our love seat. He was watching a movie and i had my face in my phone, not paying alot of attention to what was going on, i then look up and see him watching a woman with a perfect body, pole dancing, titties out and everything. Of course i can see exactly where his eyes are. Before i knew it, i done went and threw my phone at him! And i have one of those heavy thick ass otterbox phone cases, so i know it hurt lol and i hope it did, because i instantly felt pain in my chest seeing that. Of course he got mad and we stopped talking for the night. This man knows i don't like him watching stuff like that and it hurts me physically and emotionally, idk if he just went stupid for a moment or what. Normally he'll change the channel or look away (but titties!) So...that must be why? But i know exactly how all of yall feel! You cant change how you feel! Its unbearable sometimes or all the time! I have not attempted therapy, tho i have been told i need to go bc its supposedly not normal for me to feel that way and other women dont feel like i do ect ect....Well those people can kiss my ass. Theres nothing wrong with me or any of you. Its society for putting the message out there that women are valued by appearances. We arent objects, but are treated that way. Im glad im not alone in feeling this way, and ill be more than happy to reply back to anyone going through the same things!

kmlsjhst
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2020 1:55 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby kmlsjhst » Tue Apr 28, 2020 2:28 am

veeveee wrote:Oh, and one more thing I wanted to say...im curious if anyone else has thought of this regarding the dreaded game of thrones. I've had my fair share of boughts over this stupid show. I hate it. I hate that it's all female nudity, blah blah blah, I've read all your posts and you get it. BUT the excuse I heard was "it's an Era piece, this stuff happened" it progresses the story. Whatever. Okay. So in that Era...all of the women were waxed totally clean and their pussys perfect!? Nahhhh. If it's not for male entertainment and it really is to be part of the story, then keep it real.

End rant.


Yes, 100% this, as well as the fact that its SO uneven! It only ever seems to be female nudity! My ex liked Game of Thrones, a couple of times he was watching it while I played games on my PC and i swear every single time I looked up... tits. He swore up and down I have terrible luck and seemed to look at all the wrong times, but it seemed to be constant. Like it couldn’t be a coincidence that I just so happened to see it EVERY time?

My current boyfriend is so understanding of how I feel about this, though (generally, not GoT), and if anything comes on that we’re not prepared for we both sort of look away and one of us will put something else on. I think he does understand the idea that I only want to see him, and can’t understand why anyone would want to look at anyone else in that way while committed to someone already. I think it’s worth noting that he’s the first person I’ve REALLY felt this way with; as in, with previous boyfriends the nudity has bothered me, but I haven’t really been too bothered about them looking at it. For me personally I believe it’s related to my level of commitment within the relationship.

I really am so happy I found this thread. Was there a group made? I’m really loving everybody’s insights and seeing what I’m feeling put into words! I’m sitting almost in tears, mostly from relief knowing I’m not alone in feeling this way, despite my boyfriend being as understanding as he is I still can’t help but feeling like it’s just me being crazy and unhealthily insecure, so thank you all so much for reassuring me of myself. I can’t even begin to explain how much this has helped me.


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