Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

[sophie94]

This forum here is to help women like me try and speak up to people and find out that we are not alone in the world with this issue. The comment you have made regarding 'alone time' just doesn't help me because it makes me worry. Why would a man as you say who works day in day out works for his family etc want to get alone time to basically watch porn? How do you think that makes your partner feels or women in general. The answer is simple, basically not good enough why would you need to watch another naked women on the tele when you clearly have someone at home that your attracted to, that your with and love. Its basically saying you get turned on more and find random women better and more attractive than your own partner. Imagine if you partner wanted alone time to watch naked man surely you would wonder why? And what reason is it that they think they need to watch these things.

The point of this forum is for women to help each other men included about low self esteem, confidence etc. Daily life is hard when you dont know whats coming on the tele, mazagines etc what everyone was written about. I google films, we avoid films if something in because all i want to do is cry because automatically you think the women on the tele is better than us and are more attractive. I would like someone on here to talk to daily who has the same issues as me because mine are so bad it takes over my entire life.

[annabelle3]

I just broke up with the guy I have been seeing past couple months. I liked him alot but yesterday he wanted to watch a movie, seemed like one I shouldn't be 'scared of', but then of course the actress got naked, full front breasts, then a couple sex scenes with her fully naked. This morning I said to him 'you were sitting next to me and looking at another naked women, moaning having sex. And then you asked me if I liked the movie?! No, I didn't like it' and I said we're too different and broke it off. He said 'so what?' and 'it was just a couple scenes, it's not like the whole movie was about it..'.
Some of you are saying this is taking over your life? It already took mine over.I'm 35 y.o. I am never going to have a husband, a family.. I am never going to love and be loved like I dreamed of since a child. Because of this shit.
Btw, someone called this a 'moral compass' of ours. Well, the internet, my friends (female!) and therapist use the terms 'insecurity', 'too controlling', 'low self-esteem', 'unrealistic expectations'. I can't even discuss this with anyone I know as I'm tired of being laughed at or looked at with pity.

[sophie94]

Hi Annabelle, hope your ok. You can speak to me anytime on here, not a problem. I understand the issues you face because i have them myself , everything seems like a constant threat and its hard and scary and so controlling to us.
Can i just say one thing, i re read the comments you put before and i noticed you said you hadnt told your partner about how you feel because of feeling embarrassed by it. I think you should talk to him you dont want to risk losing something' good especially if you really like him! Over something he doesn't know nor understand. If you spoke to him, showed him this forum he will understand why you react as you do. After reading your above comment i think hes just simply asked if you liked the film, just to ask if you liked the film. Of course your going to think he loved it before of that scence ! But he aas prob just asking an innocent question, and its been escalated. The only reason i say this is because this has happened to me before! If he knew your issues and how you felft he would understand why you reacted! But if you dont tell him hes going to just think your having a go for the sake off it. I hope this makes sense, i have showed my bf this forum he has it opened on his phone all the time hes getting understanding of me and maybe yours will to. After all you have more to gain than to loose by telling him. I hope this helps you. Least you can watch a film i wish i could i google them and if they not safe we dont watch them and my bf knows why. When I first got with him he put on naked attraction! And OMGG i pretended i was fine but jesus deep down i was dying inside a few months later i told him everything i flung remotes and all sorts cried, ran and hide in the loo, shout and swore. I am getting therapy come new year when i get to front of waiting list. This will be my 5th therapy session just hope it works i cant keep running from my fear iv done it for 10 years

[annabelle3]

Hi Sophie, how's the therapy going? Are you feeling any better? What kind of therapy is it? I'm looking to change mine. it got to a point where I don't even want to discuss this with my therapist. I don't want to hear how unrealistic I am etc, that's not really helpful.. I'm going on holiday tomorrow and all the preparations are a pain. I feel this horrible pain in my chest, like if someone sticking a knife in and then ripping me open. At times I just give up, curl up and cry. Everything I have to do (shopping, planning, packing) is a struggle. And I know this emotion won't pass quickly, like many self-help books claim I can't just 'ride-it-out'. It's like walking around with a broken leg - it hurts af and doing anything is so hard.
I told my bf the next day how bad I felt after the movie, I said 'you were looking at another naked woman..' and he replied 'so what'. I know there can be a "so what" as in 'I'm allowed to have a bit of pleasure, I'm not gay, I like watching women, it's not like I'm cheating' or a "so what" as in 'I couldn't give a shit'. I don't know what's in the guy's head. When I look at women really happy with their partner I want to shout 'what are you happy about? I'm sure you two watch movies and therefore he just enjoyed another woman getting naked, how can you be happy?!'
As far as I can see I got a choice of 1. being single forever 2. finding a life-partner at age of 50-60 (I think men stop being sexual then, lol, and I could trust they're not enjoying naked scenes) 3. FInd asexual partner (problem is I want to have sex 4. find a blind man.
Thanks for reading this. I hope your therapist has some brains and compassion and will be able to help you

[sophie94]

I am actually going on holiday Saturday annabell! And i am panicing about it,! Like everything the movies on the plane, the beaches the unknown i should enjoy it be excited! I am going to Australia man! But all i am doing id worrying about worrying about what my bf and i are going to see and what he is going to think of what he sees! I am exactly like you trust me! I inow how you feel every day! Ots awful. I am starting therapy again January time! I am on a waiting list unfortunately this will be my 5th time going if this doesnt work i am going to try hyppnosis. Then i dont no , everyday is hard and on edge and its like whats going to be on tele tonight past 9 what if this film isnt safe what if that what if what if. EVERYDAYYY. Iv been like this since 17 im 25.
Maybe we can message each other some how, someone who understands help each other some how! As for your partner tell him exactly howcyou feel like your heart shaking on edge crying feeling bad about yourself how you think how you think he thinks and exactly why you feel as you do !where sre you going on holiday? Are you going with a friend now or partner?

[annabelle3]

I'm going to Vietnam with my friend. He's been like family past 16 years but I couldn't tell him about this
.he loudly says other girls are hot even when he's in a relationship. And his ex gf didn't mind! She laughed it off. I'm so jealous of women who are so chilled in this regard. I'm so obsessed. Last time I went on hol to Thailand alone I was starring at all the women on the beach, like a lesbian lol, and I was thinking how would I ever be able to go on hol with a bf if I ever had one. I was thinking what he would think of every one of those women. Crazy. I constantly try to figure out how other women deal with this. How can they lay on the beach with their partners,even if looking fab, if there are other semi naked women around? How do these women feel loved? Would they feel loved and like 'the only one' if their partner would glance at other women and think they're hot? Do they believe their men don't do that? Do they not care if their man finds other women attractive? Omg I could go on forever! And I do, in my brain!!
Enjoy Australia as much as you can. I wish I could give you some advice but I'm also stuck

[sophie94]

I think you be open with him a d tell him and ask him his opinion on the matter. It may actually make you feel better as what you think maybe completing different to his thoughts!! I had a Male therapist and he helped me the most! I was surprised i also watched nsked attraction on my own a year or so back! And i took a note of things and read it all back i was actually surprised about the reasons people choose people. Also with the ' watxhing women' trust me i get it 100 percent i do the same thing!!! And i always think i feel like a lesbo but i do it the reasons same as you! And i wonder what if he sees them what will he think i hope they dont wall past and try and distract the situation! Then i annoy myself plus i cant sunathe i am on edge 110 percent every time i look around to check its safe all the time i even look in the direction of what he would see to see if there a threat and if there is ask him to moce because its safer. Stupud i know but i let my brain get the better of me. I. Am going half way around the world and my problems still there prob worse just want to enjoy myself dont i

[rotterdam]

Hi Sophie!
I am soooo glad I found this!! My boyfriend said I was the ONLY girl feeling like this!
I have told him how I feel; we have had the most horrible fights . This is actually the only thing we fight about in our relationship and right now it’s putting a huge strain on it
We have been together 7 years and lived 3 years together.
In all 3 years he watched porn behind my back, lied about it and kept during it for 3 years. Finally he STOPPED during it but now it’s the movies
He says it just a movie for him..but then why would he download the hustulers movie with Jennifer Lopez?
Just because she is in it... it’s a movie about STrPPRING!!
He knows I don’t like it... but he does it anyway...
So I feel it don’t really care how it affect me and it hurts
Me he also download a lifetime movie called open marriage ? I know it’s just lifetime
But it’s also weried he would like to see that one
And he never tells
Me about these movies because he knows I don’t like it and want to avoid a fight

[annabelle3]

This is why I have a problem with telling my bf about how I feel. It will only stop him from watching these movies in my presence. But he'll still do it when I'm not there. I feel so alone and without any hope of resolving this issue. I will never get inside of a guy's brain to know what he's thinking about other women. It's so depressing how therapy seems to call this 'irrational jealousy' and they want to make you believe that it's all ok when your man looks at other women, as long as he's only looking.

[sophie94]

Hi girls, hope your all ok. Australia was amazing! However i felt it could of been so much better if i wasnt worried all the time or on edge! I did have to walk away from situations and mad fall outs cos of my anexity and fears. Its such a shame how powerful your brain is and how much it takes over your life. I think you should really tell your bfs why you feel how you do, how it makes you feel etc the reason they wont know is probably because there are not insecure snd therefore dont need reassurance. Im sure there will be someone in the world who can help us there most be. As we have all realised we are not the only women in the wolrd that feels like we do.