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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
kelly1990
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 09, 2019 1:12 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby kelly1990 » Mon Sep 09, 2019 1:19 pm

Just to add, it embarrasses me that my partner needs to know that about me, and I envy all the girls out there that are ok with it, I wish that was me, I wish I was ok! If I had a choice I would be

sophie94
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:14 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sophie94 » Tue Sep 10, 2019 1:38 pm

I no how you feel kelly! We just want to be 'normal' and we just want to 'watch a film' and many other stuff. Do you not watch anything with nudity in now cos it upsets you? Or do you still watch it with your boyfriend but just end up upsetting yourself and then having arguments about it? Maybe we can contact each other, help each other out? I simply do not watch anything thats a risk because its scary, i am on edge constantly and feel sick all the time. Ito many its just watching a film, to me its like jumping out of an aeroplane with no parachute. I was even considering hypnosis but i have no idea what to do.

annabelle3
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 10:05 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby annabelle3 » Wed Sep 11, 2019 10:41 pm

I have just spent 2 hours crying because of this, then decided to google and got here. Thank you to all who commented here, at least I'm NOT alone although I could swear I was. My new boyfriend likes watching movies. I dread the thought. Today I imagined how he admires this naked actress in a sex scene. I wonder what he thinks, how impressed he is. I wish he understood it is a fake, a fantasy, tons of makeup, scalpel and photoshop work. But maybe he doesn't and he still thinks how unbelievably awesome this other woman is. I'm 35 y.o. and this has been an issue all my life, with all my partners. I'm so ashamed to speak about this - I'm deemed 'insecure' according to our society, I'm 'ill', I've got issues...! I've been going to therapy for general anxiety disorder and my psychotherapist is great but when I mentioned this specific subject she didn't understand me at all. She seems to think it's all normal for men to look at other naked women.. It kills me to not have support in her. I don't know how 'normal' women do this - sit by the man they're with and see him watch naked women having sex..in 'normal', everyday movies.. It hurts me so bad. I can't imagine speaking to my partner about this. I don't want him to have to pretend he's not looking. I just want him to not want to :( This isn't smth I'm just upset about, I just can't cope!!!

sophie94
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:14 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sophie94 » Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:30 pm

Hi Anna, i feel your pain i no exactly how you feel, the problem with anxiety is that we all think we are mind readers and that we think we no what they think then we just tell ourselves negative thoughts which then just escalate into more thoughts and then eventually we just break down. I am 24 i have had this i was 16 when i went through an awful relationship. My daily life is ruined because of it i simply refuse to watch these programmes and films i google them if they are safe. Which is not healthy either. However i think you need to speak to your partner i think you will be very surprised by his response if he loves you he will wsnt to help and not want you to be sad. I would also try and speak to another therapist , i have looked at this and its something like gymnaphobia. Its not that its wrong to look at naked women but its what they think thinking they are better. Now if your bf new this film had this scence in and watched it on purpose like porn then yea i do not agree at all. Talk to him,, we are in this together. Trust me i get you xx

annabelle3
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2019 10:05 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby annabelle3 » Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:42 am

Thank you Sophie, it helps loads to know someone actually understands. I know the logical solution is to talk to your partner about how you feel but I'm SO embarrassed about it I can't bare the thought of having to say all this out loud. He's gonna think I'm mental and I will have to agree with him - even my psychotherapist says I have unrealistic expectations and need to accept that that's how men are wired and it's nothing bad :( I don't see a way out which drags me into deep depression.
For anyone who's talked to their partners about this - how do you explain this so that they know what you mean? how do you say it while feeling enormous shame? I did have a conversation about this (many times) with my first boyfriend and was getting answers like 'what, am I supposed to leave the room when a naked woman showes up on the screen?' or 'am I not to watch TV ever?', 'am I not supposed to leave the house?'. So hurtful and unfair, but I couldn't answer anything to this..

sophie94
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:14 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sophie94 » Mon Sep 16, 2019 11:13 am

You need to literally just tell him how you feel, my bf knows everythimg he even nos about this forum he reads everything he has the link saved to his phone. And your not mental, your mind is reacting normally to stuff that scares you. Dont be ashamed everyone has issues there nothing wrong with it. We just need to help each other, why dont you try and show him this forum? He will want to help you. You have told your other bfs why cany you tell this one? And id maybe try a private counsellor, i have seen 4 therapist and i still am, if you wanna hear something daft i get scared watching the tele after 9pm with my bf when in public i literally look around for any threat and i always make sure its safe x

kevin16
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 17, 2019 10:25 pm
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Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby kevin16 » Tue Sep 17, 2019 10:32 pm

What's wrong? At the rate you're going, you'll end up gouging out his eyes. He surely loves you and will be with you when you need them the most that's enough.

minniemoo
Posts: 82
Joined: Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:32 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby minniemoo » Thu Sep 19, 2019 2:01 pm

I find sex scenes quite awkward when other people are in the room. And I agree that it’s very unequal which is also frustrating. Most men will probably not understand unless they have faced inequalities themselves such as race or gender, but a caring boyfriend will accept that you don’t want to watch those programs and you can find something you both like. I can’t abide Thrillers or Horrors but we laugh about it (as it’s hard to find anything with nothing remotely scary but not too rom com for him!).. and we have fun finding our fave programs. I honestly don’t think he will go off you because he watched a racy episode of Suits, so personally I would not care if I wasn’t with him when he watched it, but if you feel that strongly you should tell him.

jill
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:13 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby jill » Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:30 pm

Hi dont feel alone. All my life since this stuff has started being showed in movies and now cable TV I feel the same way. its not alot of fun to sit with your husband while some surgically enhanced woman strides around naked, puts a lot of pressure on women to look "perfect" and it does affect your self esteem plus if you're a Christian like I am it is not moral to even look at a woman or man naked. Our society has really allowed this stuff to get worse over the years. 10 years ago you wouldn't see a bra on TV. I have cable and I had the worse fight with my husband over watching the series The Americans and other stuff. I am a survivor of sexual abuse by men and he knew that and because he watched that series it really triggered me. He got really upset with me and told me he didn't care about stuff like that, but what about how it makes me feel? I didn't want him to touch me and I told him I hated him for not respecting my feelings. I hate R rated movies and I have had to sit and watch naked women in sex scenes with him a couple of times and finally I said I cant do this. If they are going to show female genitalia then make it fair and show men genitalia. I told him how would you feel if every time you tried to watch a movie it showed a man's penis? Wouldn't you feel competitive or inadequate? I am tired of this crap in tv and movies. We have had horrible fights over this stuff. I bought him the TV for Christmas it cost $3,000 you would think he would have enough respect not to watch anything that would hurt me. I dont care if he has seen a gazillion naked women in movies in the past. This is now and I just wish people would start a protest about this stuff in cable tv and movies and stop showing women like that. I told him one time okay you dont care about nudity in cable or movies then I will start watching movies with naked men in them. Boy he didn't like that one bit. he was going to get rid of cable.See its a double standard and women are supposed to suck it up? He might be really pissed off at me and threaten divorce because he feels controlled but tuff cookies. He wants to watch things that hurt me then I will do the same. (of course I dont watch anything with naked men cause I am a Christian but he needs to know its not only not fair but immoral I dont CARE HOW many Emmys Game of Thrones or The Americans have won, this stuff is basic pornography and this society is forcing it on us and making us feel like we are "prudes" because we dont like it. (PS I am in the U.S. )
Last edited by jill on Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jill
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:13 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby jill » Tue Oct 22, 2019 2:41 pm

Hi Annabelle just to let you know you tell your psychotherapist to jump off a cliff. You are not abnormal. I tell you this society is going to hell in a hand basket and this stuff is being slowly
forced on us and making us think WE are abnormal for not accepting this stuff. ALL men are NOT wired that way if they have any morals. Everyone knows in their hearts what is good and bad. If this stuff was so good then we would have been seeing this stuff years ago and we didn't. It was not even allowed to say damn on television years ago so....stick to your moral compass and dont let anyone tell you you are wrong. And I tell you one last thing, if a husband or boyfriend wants to watch shows and movies with naked women in them then he doesnt need a wife or girlfriend because women need to feel like they are enough and this stuff on tv and movies is making women go out and get breast implants, butt surgery, liposuction, facial lifts and reconstruction and this is insane.


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