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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
amzy
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 01, 2020 4:10 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby amzy » Fri May 01, 2020 4:26 am

Literally joined to reply to all of you.
I deal with this too. I get angry with my husband if there’s nudity/sex on TV or music videos with half naked girls etc etc but you know what....we’re not jealous or petty or irrational you know why? Media, tv, porn, etc has warped people into thinking its normal...it’s only considered “normal” because most people find it okay to do...this doesn’t make it right! This isn’t OUR issue...Television and society tells us it is! I’m not insecure at all but it doesn’t feel good to see him looking at another woman with lust idc if it’s tv or not....it’s wrong and disrespectful. It’s like a gateway drug....if he stares at other woman I feel like it desensitizes him from not wanting more or someone else. My husband KNOWS if there’s some shit on TV to turn it...he now feels uncomfortable when that stuff comes on bc he knows how I feel about it. None of my exes were this way...they all made excuses why I was the problem and even had other woman try to cover for them saying how wrong and irrational I am....look what media has made the female body and sex become...is there dignity or sanctity left?...I got called petty, crazy, and jealous.....and I am none of those things. I deserve my man to want me and me only, to look at me with sexual desire NO ONE else, and you know what he loves me enough to respect it....as far as I know he respects me behind my back and if he doesn’t I don’t want to know! I bet MOST woman out there feel this way but won’t admit to it in fear of looking crazy and jealous so they force themselves to deal with it and bear through it....I won’t bow down to the shit bc I’m not comfortable with it and if the person I’m with can’t respect that then fuck him bc there’s someone out there who will and I’m pretty sure I’ve found him. We are not the issue...society is!

Stop thinking there is something wrong with you! It’s not a phobia hunnies....back 20 years or more ago it was rare to see such grotesque images in movies and TV...in fact men had to rely on porn in order to see some boobs....now days there are naked woman in music videos on YouTube (esp in rap culture). It’s disgusting! It’s not Normal for everyone to think that’s okay just because there are woman who Are okay with their dude gawking..it just makes it normal for them...people talk about grown men watching porn and sex scenes like they are teenage boys (who are genuinely curious and growing). Men need to have some self control and some regard for the woman they love....I gotta stop bc if I don’t I won’t.

tam
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 10:26 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby tam » Fri May 22, 2020 8:42 am

Hey ladies,
Can't tell you what a relief it is to know I'm not alone in this! I really relate to so many of these posts, it gets me so down at times thinking about it. I tried therapy last year as put it down to me just being insecure but even she couldn't help me! Because of this i limit what programmes we can watch and I'm always checking parents guide etc. Definitely not fair we are supposed to be ok with our partners seeing constant female nudity. I feel so angry when this stuff comes on but also feel so crap for limiting what we watch all the time.. this sucks! Would love to hear from anyone who has found a way to deal with this or would love to be able to join some sort of group if you have one :D xx

claire3101
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu May 28, 2020 9:33 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby claire3101 » Thu May 28, 2020 9:41 am

Ive had these problems for 15 years and counting and i am fed up. What are we supposed to do about it????? Id love to be one of those girls who can watch a movie and be like...... Wow shes beautiful isnt she? Or if OH commented on someone just smile and agree!!! Not feel ill...... Sick...... Anxious....... Angry....... Hurt. Its exhausting. And a waste of time!!!!

sybil123
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:09 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sybil123 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:31 pm

Hello everyone, I’ve just set up an account as I too suffer with this absolutely debilitating fear!!! I dread watching tv, films, adverts and social media with my fiancé. I too have always been like this as soon as I’m a few weeks into a relationship. It’s exhausting and utterly depressing me, especially at the moment with all the insecurities of lock down. I’m so pleased to see I’m not the only one. I’m in my third serious relationship of my life and I’m fifty. I’m intelligent and often really savvy at helping people with their problems but when it comes to self application and control of that hideous adrenaline surge I get - I literally shake - when a good looking or sexy woman appears on tv etc when we’re watching. I instantly react and start questioning my fiancé and repeatedly need so much reassurance. It’s hideous. It often ends in a row and I’m now thinking I can never be in a relationship. BUT I have just had this brainwave....it’s funny because I was just reading something about a yoga thing (I do actually do yoga and love the way it helps me relax, but I’m not a serious yogi or hippy type at all) - however, it was interesting reading that you must open up the throat chakra which apparently helps. Worth a try and a google?! Anyway, a few minutes after I’d done that I suddenly had an idea. Like some of you said, the whole media thing is TOTALLY UNFAIR-there are millions more naked women, I mean completely naked or sex objectified women than men on tv etc So.....and this is my brainwave (well, at least I hope you think it is....) When it happens, quickly get out your phone and google images of totally naked hot men.....then hold that image up too!!!!!! I suddenly feel like this could really help because instead of falling down that pit of doom and being beaten up by the ‘I’m not good enough army’ that invaded our brains when this reaction happens, we can take control (a bit like Miriam Margolyes....you have to listen to her interview with Louis Theroux on his Grounded series on BBC radio...it had me laughing again for the first time in months) and make it more equal. It’s only because too many men are still directing all this stuff and not enough women have the power to tell the men to get their kits off...all off, not just the top half..... So let’s try it!!! Maybe we’ll learn to lose this terrible grip of insecurity once and for all!!!! I really hope this helps. I feel like a weight has lifted!!!!! Good luck everyone and let me know if this helps!

sybil123
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:09 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sybil123 » Wed Jun 10, 2020 4:31 pm

Ps We could start a group, like the Me Too campaign-we could call it BALLS OUT!

kayls
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 6:45 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby kayls » Mon Jun 29, 2020 6:50 pm

Hi guys
I would really love it if you could add me to a WhatsApp group or something if there is one? I've struggled with this same things for YEARS, ever since I first got into my first relationship at 17. I'm 28 now. It affects me every single day and I feel as though I have a genuine hatred for the world and society and how people are in terms of sex and relationships. I feel like nothing is special or sacred anymore and nobody has any morals or values :( it's starting to affect me more lately and I feel as though nobody understands at all. When I found this page I cried so much because finally I've found people who understand ❤️❤️❤️❤️

sybil123
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:09 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sybil123 » Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:25 pm

Kayls, you’re not alone. Sending you a big hug. I think it’s all got to start with feeling better about ourselves in the first place and believe me, I’m still very much working on that. We’re all on a journey. There’s lots of help out there and one thing I found very useful was Ora Nadrich’s 7 questions to help beat negativity. Google her. Also, remember we have to keep practising feeling better about situations and getting it into perspective. It takes time and practice but the good thing is, you’re on the first few steps so keep going and keep getting stronger. I need to give myself this advice too but I just wanted to say, you’re not alone. We still live in a looks driven world. BUT the old saying that that’s only skin deep, is TRUE! A big, hopeful hug to you. X

ssmith626
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2020 8:41 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby ssmith626 » Thu Jul 09, 2020 8:54 pm

I read every single comment and cannot tell you how much this all hit home :( I would give anything to not feel this way. We are suppose to be going on a float trip and my anxiety is up so much b/c I know there could be topless girls & I instantly get angered at my fiancé(even if he looks away) I understand it is not his fault what others do... But I want
to know if anyone has found a way to control their hurt and anger when circumstances arise. I hate messing up an entire day just b/c one female decided it is a great idea to flash their breasts in public. And yes the movie/tv show situations has made us barely able to relax in from of the screen due to something “may” come up. I feel so defeated not being able to control this :’( Also, I don’t want to miss out on things I enjoy like the beach and outings due to this madness! Has anyone started a fb page? I would love to join NOW!!

sybil123
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2020 3:09 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby sybil123 » Fri Jul 10, 2020 8:27 am

I know...it’s so hard. I completely understand. Im going to try meditation. There are loads of apps but I’ve actually found you tube ten min ones which are really good. Also, remember, you can look at the guys on the beach too! Your other half may feel just as threatened inside about you looking at the men (even though they not exactly naked), and he just might not show or talk about his own feelings of threat...I’m beginning to see that guys don’t express these anxieties as readily as we do but it doesn’t mean they’re not feeling them. Also, look at it this way, you might find that exposure to lots of topless girls (if there are any) might have a desensitising affect on you....and, to be honest, surely the more there are the less exciting it all might be to guys. Try tapping into feeling relaxed when you go...as I said, I’m going to try more meditation to get a grip on that awful anxiety that comes up. Think about how you’ll feel if you get through a testing day and stay calm and see that your boyfriend still loves and adores you. I have a feeling we overestimate how affected long term guys are in fact to the sight of pretty girl etc I think it’s a really split second fleeting thing for them whereas their real depth of love and devotion is actually more profound than women often see it to be, particularly because so often, the way guys express and communicate things to us. Relax. Meditate. See the goal of being a deeper, calmer, cool, less effected woman. Good luck. You’ll do it. You have everything inside you to conquer this. X ❤️

lauren28
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2020 6:48 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby lauren28 » Mon Jul 13, 2020 7:37 am

Hi, I googled why I was feeling the way that I do, a pretty normal thing for me to do as it helps me understand why I feel the things the way I do, I am always directed to the mental heath pages to help with anxiety. I am so glad I found this post. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, over these 2 years , I feel like I’ve had my trust betrayed by this so MANY times. It took a lot for me to talk about it in the first place and I have asked that, if anything seems like it could get awkward, or you think it might be upsetting me, why not just turn it over ? All I have asked is that, please don’t do it in front of me.. I have been upset at the thought of him looking at other women but I just felt like there is nothing I can do about that.. so please just don’t watch it in front of me ?? 4 days ago now, we were watching the tele together as usual , and when this scene came on he was watching and laughing .. so I asked .. why couldn’t you just turn it off and why did you laugh if you know how I feel about it?? He got angry at me and said is he not allowed to do anything I said.. do what you want just not in front of me, I feel like your laughing at me , he said he was laughing at the women on the tele and that I don’t understand the concept of women in revealing clothing all over each other blowing stuff up and I just thought .. well yes, I do understand the concept of it as that is why it’s making me feel uncomfortable... he then runs off in a fit of rage and goes to bed . I slept on the couch that night as I had trouble sleeping and was just tossing and turning in bed. He did not make any effort that day to contact me, until he came home from work. I felt so betrayed and I just wasn’t ready to talk yet. So when he does want to talk he says “yes I should of turned it over” so I thought so, you knew , but you didn’t do it anyway.. it’s not like this is the first time this has happened when I told him that I just didn’t believe what he was saying to me because to be honest it just wasn’t making sense and the week before he has blamed it on being “drunk” and I let that go.. so for it happen a week later, and for him to laugh I just thought no. He runs away, without his phone ... for 4 hours, I kept saying to myself he will be back he will be back and I tried my hardest not to have a breakdown as he was missing and I was starting the think the worst. On his return he goes to bed and then starts smashing the house up he has put a massive hole in our bedroom door . I slept in the garage that night. When I asked where he was for 4 hours, he told me he had passed out on a park bench and didn’t know where he was .... Since then, this has escalated very very very extremely, I am not saying I did nothing wrong as I felt really angry hurt and upset about what has gone on over the past couple of days, so I have shouted , I have tried to get my point across. He ran away again. He would not speak to me as I kept questioning his answer of being passed out on a bench. I’m sorry, but this just does not make sense to me. In the end , he does not speak to me atall and tells me to “pack a bag for a couple of days until he is ready to talk” and that was it... I seen red ... I was so upset he would not speak to me he would not sort it out with me and now I’m the one that has to leave ??? I had to ring my mum as I was suffering from a massive panic attack , my family came round and removed all my furniture and stuff out of the house to bring me home with them. I feel like , this is not what I wanted .. I was so hurt and upset and this has just been blown out of proportion, the rest of my stuff was left outside the house that next day. And he still hasn’t spoken to me since. I did not want my relationship to end like this, and I don’t know how to make it right. I wish I hadn’t of got my family involved. If I had of just packed a bag and left then this wouldn’t of happened. I feel like I’m a horrible person, it’s so hard to talk about how I feel, yet even when I do I just feel like it’s not listened to anyway? Like I said to him how would you like it if I just watched stuff like that in front of you, and he told me he wouldn’t be bothered by it. So now I just feel crazy, I have messaged him a million times but he won’t reply. I think it’s time for me to move on and let go but I love him. Please help.


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