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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

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krystal18
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 1:07 pm

Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby krystal18 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 1:09 pm

i guess im posting this here because i want some kind of advice i dont know.... :oops:

Im 18, and in a relationship of almost 2 years he is 26 years old.. I know my boyfriend loves me, i know he finds me attractive and wouldnt cheat. I am confident in the bedroom but i still have this stupid fear/phobia. If i find out my boyfriend is watching a film or show with sex and nudity in i freak out. I hate knowing he is watching women naked having sex. Its so intimate and makes me feel like he is enjoying what he sees and maybe getting turned on. It makes me feel so betrayed and jealous. Now my boyfriend loves to watch tv and series. And i know he will come across shows with sex and nudity in. but most of the shows he watches there is sex and nudity in every episode. Whether it be a woman walk around with her boobs out or a woman having sex and moaning. To me its like porn. Soft porn but in a movie. He watches shows like Game of thrones, suits, westworld, power. So many shows with sex and nudity in and i know there is so much more. How do i stop these feelings? At the minute i said to him he can watch them in my presence because that way i feel like i know hes not going to wank or get turned on. But what ive noticed is when theres a normal scene on he will happily look at me and kiss me or go on his phone to quickly check. But when theres a sex scene he will sit there glued! Why does he need to watch a sex scene for one whole minute? I hate feelings this way any tips?

mihaela
Posts: 1071
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby mihaela » Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:13 am

Hi Krystal, and welcome. :)

I'd feel just the same if this kind of thing was happening in my life. I'd think "Aren't I good enough?" I'd wonder why he needed to see this stuff so much. I'm sure he is enjoying what he sees (because he seems to want more and more of it), and he probably fantasises that he's there with these women himself. Sex in a loving relationship can be seen as a healthy obsession rather than an addiction. But his obsession with porn has led to an addiction - which is unhealthy, especially in a relationship where one partner is addicted and the other feels betrayed and jealous.

It's right to feel betrayed or inadequate, but please don't feel jealous. Your boyfriend, as you say, is not cheating on you with real women, but if he truly loves you I think he should prove it by avoiding this kind of material, because he knows it upsets you. Every time he watches it, he's showing that watching porn comes before your feelings, when it's your feelings that should come first.

I'd agree that what he watches is porn, but it's porn made more 'respectable' by being part of something else. I'm no prude, see nothing wrong in nudity, but I know porn when I see it. If it has no artistic or aesthetic merit or isn't in a naturist context, I'd call it gratuitous porn - intended for sexual titillation. If that's what both partners want and like, fair enough, but it's not for you and he must respect that and put you first - if you really matter to him.

Only yesterday I was talking to a friend who, a couple of years ago, at last thought she'd found the perfect partner. Over time she gradually realised that she'd been naive and impressionable, and that he was constantly leering at young women - and worse. He was over twice your boyfriend's age, and it turns out that he'd always been like that, and had never been able to sustain a genuine loving relationship in his life. His 'love' was all faked, and he faked it well, and solely to obtain sex, and she now feels sexually used and betrayed. I'm not saying your bf's love is fake, but I am saying be careful, for he's not showing much love when he knows his obsessive behaviour upsets you.

krystal18 wrote:I hate feeling this way any tips?


You shouldn't. Your feelings are normal. His behaviour is obsessive, and it's an addiction too - because its having a bad effect on both your lives. I hope this helps x

rsxo
Posts: 1095
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby rsxo » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:46 am

Hi krystal18,

From what you've said here, I think the issue is miscommunication. You say that you don't like it at all, but then you allow him to watch it and say it's okay? I think you need to be assertive about how you feel. Tell him that you don't like it when he watches those things, and that you'd appreciate it if he didn't.

At the same time, you need to find out why it makes you so afraid. Sex scenes are meant to appeal to viewers' sex drives and induce a sense of romance and intimacy - to be turned on by them is very normal. You know that he loves you dearly, but you still feel very threatened by these sexual scenes. What is it that terrifies you? Digging to the root of this will help you understand your own feelings much better.

Much love <3
RSxo <3

Ava
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 9:10 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby Ava » Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:56 pm

Hi Krystal,

I used to get this *really badly. My jealousy was just crazy - I was the extreme end. I want you to know it can get better and it can get easier. You have to want to deal with it, you have to want to be rid of the extreme jealousy - if you want it enough it is possible. It's all about how you cope with it internally. It's something I found has become less problematic with age (I'm 33 now). There are some things you can do:

Watch another woman being excessively jealous (like on Jeremy Kyle or something) - it'll give you an objective viewpoint and help you understand how you may be making the other person feel.

Learn to accept that we all appreciate the naked body - and that it is normal. Just remind yourself: Even Megan Fox's husband wont be immune to finding other naked women attractive - despite Megan being considered something of a siren. It's just human nature, it's inevitable and normal.

Exposure therapy is very effective and I do think jealousy is comparable with phobia - so I think it works. This might sound like a really weird suggestion, but bare with me... maybe look at naked bodies yourself: watch these programmes on your own and get familiar with seeing the 'naked scenes' - it'll help desensitise you a little - it's about teaching your brain to understand that it's not a threat, it's just a body (plus the storyline is usually what grabs people most). I recommend starting with Game of Thrones. It is raunchy, but if you can get familiar with it you may find yourself feeling less threatened by it. I really hope that helps, I do understand it's not easy. Good luck :)

Ava
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 9:10 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby Ava » Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:08 pm

Also, I have to say, I really don't think it's like watching porn at all. These are visual stories containing some sex scenes - and so many people watch them. Don't get me wrong, I still get plagued with jealous thoughts and insecurity when my partner and I watch Game of Thrones together, or when he's at his and I know that he'll be watching it - but I don't let it get the better of me and I know it's not fair to kick off about it. I have to remind myself it's not a threat. Happy to talk to you about it further, I really do understand.

rich980h
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby rich980h » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:33 pm

Its completely normal for you to feel that the only body your boyfriend should be looking at is yours, Being a bloke myself I would tell you not to worry about this, You have been together a long time now and he will only have eyes for you. Sometimes they might look at a pair of boob's or a glancing stare at a bum but he sounds like a really good bloke.
Why dont you watch the programs together, Make it a couple thing to do. It might help you in knowing what the programs are about and you can be there together

monae
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:15 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby monae » Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:25 am

I went to google to get answers for my phobia with the same issue my boyfriend acts the same way with th movies or shows. He acts like he’s a high school kid that never seen boobs and I just seriously can’t handle it. Like right now we’re not even talking he knows I’m mad because some movie as usual had sex scenes in it that he had picked out and I instantly get mad I won’t speak to him all night. My heart is pounding the thought of him getting hard right in front of me watching another walk Man is hard. I am 30 years old so ok not old but today’s movies shows social media is all about sex and women who expose themselves. I can’t handle it. My boyfriend cheated me on me several times in the past and before our relationship I suffered from anxiety disorder which I believe is back in my life. I’m the prettiest woman he’s ever been with and he and I both know this I’m not insecure but it has to be a reason why I react like I do I’m pretty sure it’s because of the cheating and my relationship before him he was addicted to porn and exchanging sex videos with strangers online. I honestly feel like he loves watching movies or shows with sex in them because when I came home before he was looking for movies on Netflix under the romance section I just can’t handle this he watches it like you said glued to the tv once the scene comes onfunny thing is he doesn’t even master bate at all or watch porn. I watch porn privately but I can’t handle movies and shows with sex or nudity with him help me

kitty
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:30 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby kitty » Mon Oct 08, 2018 9:39 am

I’m glad to have come across this post, as I’ve been feeling horrid myself when watching movies with sex scenes, (lesbian scenes or naked women). It started by pointing out that, the level of nutidy for men and women is complete unequal! I feel that maybe if this became more equal and I saw more naked men in movies in a sexual way, I may feel better. But because is most of the time it’s women who are naked, It only makes me fee morel unfcomfortable. It’s never natural looking either, it’s always scenes with women with a specific body type, and perfect lighting etc etc, with the camera on them for enough time for the audience to enjoy it. It makes me feel so inadequate, especially as he never takes his eyes of the screen when a woman is naked. It really saddens me on a regular basis and we bicker over it, as it’s unavoidable in movies these days. I feel it’s understandable that we don’t enjoy our partner looking at another body, especially as ya almost always in a sexualised context.

nathalielive
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 2:51 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby nathalielive » Fri May 10, 2019 3:06 pm

I literally thought i was the only person on earth suffering from this type of thing. I sent you a friend request krystal, I really believe we can help each other out and go through this! Contact me Xx

leanne0182
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:01 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby leanne0182 » Mon Jul 01, 2019 8:12 am

Hi all
I'm new here but oh god am I glad I googled and found this place. I truly thought I was alone in this world of torment.
I'm on the more extreme side of this phobia where mine and my husbands life is very much controlled tv is monitored we have never watched a movie together cannot go to the beach or even resturants that seem unsafe music channel will never be played at my house I have only just been able to tolerate some adds being on without me turning them off. I am going to therapy but even that's difficult. We have been together 7 years and I'm still unsure how he has not left me. I left him for 9 weeks last year because I caught him watching womans rugby. I feel crazy so crazy but I just cannot be "normal".


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