I had a "friend" (not sure I could ever really call them that.. It was a very harmful friendship to say the least) who always always put me down to make them feel better about themselves. I have a constant fear that people won't like me and I also can't deal with the idea of people being upset with me, so I can never call people out for something or tell them no when I need to, so this "friend" took advantage of that completely. I tried my best never to let it show that what they would say to me would hurt me because they too would also just tell me I am being too sensitive or that it's because I am a woman and maybe I am just PMSing (extremely disrespectful I think!) and that I had no reason to feel hurt. But recently this person said some of the worst things imaginable to me and also told me that all of this is my fault and I brought everything upon myself. I was absolutely devastated, angry, upset, etc and all I wanted to do was scream and shout at them. I wanted them to see that they were wrong, that everything they thought was completely untrue, and extremely hurtful.. and just outright twisted. I just wanted to tell them how angry I was (I also do not get angry easily). But I knew with this person they would always turn the situation around and blame it on me.. there is never any winning, and saying everything I wanted to say would not get me anywhere. So only behind closed doors did I scream and shout and cry, but to them I refused to give them the response they were hoping for.. I did not want them to have that power, so I stayed civil. I continue to stay civil about it, though it still deeply hurts me and I cannot get all of those horrible words out of my head, but to this day I dread the thought of ever bumping into that person or having to speak to them again.
I am so grateful though for the majority of people who are good, genuine, supportive, caring and loving. Luckily I had some wonderful people who are close to me who supported me through it and have always backed me up. But despite that, the anxiety cannot be shaken.