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had enough need help

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
helenc1995
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:06 am

had enough need help

Postby helenc1995 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:26 am

Hi,
I'm kinda new to this whole thing and just finally speaking about how I feel and I'm a little apprehensive about it but I do really really need someone :(
These last few months have been hard and I've got back into old habits that id thought I'd broken but I can't tell anyone about. But I guess I'm posting now because last night was the breaking straw for me and I had a break down in front of everyone and still couldn't tell them. I feel like some freak admitting it or admitting that I hurt myself and that more and more frequently I'm feeling its not worth it anymore.
I gues s I need someone to talk to who understands what its like and how you can feel lonely in a crowd full of people. I'm scared that if I don't try and seek help now I'm gonna lose myself for good and the little things that keep happening are just adding to the bigger picture

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: had enough need help

Postby Lou83 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:20 pm

Hi Helen,

It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment. I too, have gone back to self harm - the most recent, a few nights ago.
Have you managed to at least speak to you GP?
I can relate to a lot of what you have written, so if you ever do need to talk, I will happily listen.
Keep strong
Lou xx

Avalon
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: had enough need help

Postby Avalon » Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:17 pm

Hi, if you do have a supportive family/friends it may help you greatly to share with them how you're feeling. What you are feeling is nothing to be ashamed of, you need support and help from people and by trying to hide it will only add to your feelings of being so alone. Tell someone, tell us, your GP, a therapist, anyone you can trust, but don't be alone.

helenc1995
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:06 am

Re: had enough need help

Postby helenc1995 » Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:24 pm

I really am its horrible. Like feeling so isolated and that just makes the feelings so much worse. I feel to ashamed, like my dad doesn't agree with it at all. He found out the first time and he reacted badlly and is convinced I'm okay now so I cant even speak to him about it all.
Its like I've got so used to telling people I'm okay etc, that telling people I'm not is actually really hard. Like people expect me to be and telling them I'm not is like me letting them down

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: had enough need help

Postby Lou83 » Tue Aug 26, 2014 7:06 pm

I can completely relate. I still tell everybody I'm fine, when I'm not - it's become a habit I can't break. And my family, I can't talk to, 1) because I've never fit in with them, and 2) they don't believe mental health issues are a real thing. So feeling so isolated when there can be so many people around, is just unfair.
Did you speak to your doctor - I still haven't had the courage to go back.
xx

helenc1995
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:06 am

Re: had enough need help

Postby helenc1995 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:47 pm

Lou I completely feel the same and it is really horrible :(
They said it's just anxiety of such a big change and just to tell people I'm not okay with it. Yet I've tired and everyone is still convinced I'm okay. Like the thought of uni is making it worse i think because its so new etc, and obviously more pretending I'm fine etc and this time there will be no one familiar around.
Xx

Lou83
Posts: 177
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:38 pm

Re: had enough need help

Postby Lou83 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:45 pm

Hey Helen, good to hear from you.

I went to doctors a couple of days ago, and completely poured my eyes out in front of him. He now realises exactly how bad I am feeling, and is actually referring to the MHT (but beforehand I got passed back and forth between them and CBT), so we'll see if it goes anywhere.
I still can't tell any family or friends of how I am - but it's getting to the stage where it's impossible for me to go out, as the other day, I got terrified of seeing certain people, and wet myself just before I went out.
So maybe, for you, it might not be a bad thing at uni, where you don't know anyone. That way no-one knows your past, or secrets, or current struggles. And it might be worth looking into whether the uni has a counsellor on campus - they might be able to help to talk to or give you contacts that might be helpful.
But what I do think is really important, is to make an appointment with your doctor, and really bare yourself emotionally, so they are seeing how you truly feel.
Have you thought about the possibility of deferring for a year - do you think it maybe something that would be beneficial to you?
Lou xx


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