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Trig Time to give up?

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
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Trig Time to give up?

Postby belle » Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:27 pm

Sorry to ask for support when I generally give so little on the forum these days.
I have had very bad news today about my physical health and the continuing poor prognosis for my quality of life.
I don't have any options because life like this is intolerable most of the time and major surgery again if I survive willl just create a different set of intolerable circumstances.
Lose, lose.
Suicide seems the only logical choice.
I feel very clear about it in my head.
I have exhausted all avenues believe me.
I think I should be upset or angry or something - anything except this clarity of what I need to do.
Any words would be welcome.

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Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby AndreR » Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:11 pm

Hello Belle

You are a good person Belle, I may not know you personally but have been witness to your writings on here and in my view reflects the person under the surface that hopes to be heard.

Even though you may not consider this goodness of yourself, but consider that the reflection of others mirrors who you really are.
The time spent providing support doesn’t justify you as a person, but all it takes is just one genuine reply that speaks from the heart can change the path of another. I’m sure you have given that effect to others in need of support in the past.

However supporting others or not you should always deserve support as the first need. Don't be afraid to seek it.

Bad news always instils a level of shock in some way, a level of subtle fear; the level of shock may form into denial which can make coping more difficult to understand while the depth of shock can no longer be found.

You have been through so much, at times may have wanted to give up, yet to find somewhere, somehow, that a part of you rises once again to find a way to pull you through. Each time this strong part of you rises offers a chance for you to grasp on and believe that there is a part of you that still exists deeply and strongly. Once you decide to follow this part of you, belief and trust in this strength becomes your way forward out of all these chains holding you.

It’s not easy, at times can be so desperate for something to pull you through, but is takes time, courage, strength, belief and to be brave to decide maybe it’s not what you’re going through but to consider its how you look at what you’re going through and the best way to cope and overcome the experiences that may help most.

Separate yourself from any condition, away from the symptoms, away from anything that challenges your health, because these things are not you, they are things that you are experiencing, so by separating these things leads you to understand you as you truly are and the things being experienced are not part of you. This helps to find ways of coping and solutions that may help most.

I understand when you say not being angry and feel clear in your head. It seems this shock has pushed your mind quickly away from any decision, in to the fear of denial, to want to face and cope with what you have just heard. The pain may be too much to want to acknowledge.

What I wish to say if this could be of support to you is that you have just heard of this bad news, your mind has reacted to the news because of what it believes it has to go through, therefore the shock has hidden away from your natural ability to clear think, a way to look at this and what could be done, when a mind does this what's left are suicidal thoughts, without any other way to escape the mind believes suicide is the answer. The problem is its often so subtle can seem at an unconscious level.

Maybe consider stepping back, Take a deep breath, give yourself some time to absorb this news, give yourself permission to allow any fear and sadness to be released in the company of those around you who you feel are able to listen and walk with you through this difficult period.

One other thought, I know the forums can be difficult to talk about what people want to talk about because of being in an open forum (This I find can be frustrating when having the chance to say truly what people hope to say may often be the way to healing wounds). But anonymous does help.

If you wish to share and talk through this news as openly and comfortably as you feel you can. You may find many supportive members here could offer different views, and words of support. Maybe sharing in this way could form part of the 'exhausting every avenue', as well as releasing the build up of the shock and pressure driving any suicidal tendencies.

I hope something here may have helped.

Take care of yourself, look out for that part of you that will again surface when you need it most, and follow it. Be brave and trust the goodness within you.

Do it...Afraid.

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Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby GrannyV » Tue Apr 01, 2014 7:24 pm

Oh Belle - I am so sorry that you are suffering so badly. As Andre says you are a wonderful, supportive person and I hate to think of you going through such a terrible time.

Physical health that leaves us in pain and unable to do things that others consider normal are frustrating and sometime unendurable.

Although I don't know what torment you are going through I would like to send my love to you. Please give everything much more thought and consideration before doing anything so drastic. I want to say "don't do it" but I recognise the amount of suffering you have been through and continue to go through. I am being selfish asking you to stay with us all, but that is what I am asking you to consider.

Obviously there are no words of advice here but just heaps of love, hugs and cuddles.

Granny V x x x x x

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Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby belle » Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:13 pm

Thank you both for the replies.
Sorry not to have posted sooner.
It's hard to process much at a time atm.

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Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby Lucretia » Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:23 pm

hi belle ,no its not time to give up ,please keep fighting
I miss you and think about you often
massive hugs
I gave you my email a long while back ,use it if you need to

It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice

non muggle and proud

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Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby belle » Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:33 pm

Thanks Lu.
I miss talking to you too.
Your email was in my PM folder and got deleted.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you are doing OK.
It's hard to keep going.
Take care.
Love xxxx

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Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:20 pm

Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby belle » Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:06 pm

Same old thoughts going round and round.
Exhausted by it all.
How do you fit into a world you don't belong in?
I don't understand and never will.
I try. Oh I've tried long and hard believe me. Always clinging on to some ridiculous notion, therapy, pill, surgery, philosophy but I think time is up.
I am so very tired.

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Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2013 8:57 am

Re: Trig Time to give up?

Postby GrannyV » Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:13 pm

I don't know what you are suffering from Belle but you are obviously in a lot of pain. Sorry that you are suffering sounds so very inadequate. You seem to have had a really rough ride which is really unfair. Life is so very tough.

Love and hugs are all I can offer - once again so very inadequate. I hope you sleep well and get some rest tonight.

Much love
Granny V x x x x x

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