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Dating sites = Abuse

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craigchristopher88
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:21 pm

Dating sites = Abuse

Postby craigchristopher88 » Fri Nov 01, 2013 9:49 pm

My ex girlfriend left me 4 years ago because of my illness. I am not on alot of money so I cannot afford to go out, however I do gon on a dating site www. pof. com where it is free and it's where my older brother met his fiance who he has been with for 3 years! I thought I could get the same luck but when it comes to talking to a lass they want to know why I don't have a job. I tell them as little as possible about me but I'm honest and say I suffer depression and then the fire breathing abuse I get really hurts and I cry because I can't find love. It's coming up to winter and Xmas and I don't know what it is like to have a girlfriend on Xmas day and me been and ol romantic I'd get misseltoe out, but.. I lose faith and instead watch everyone else enjoy there love life and I just get drunk. Why do people have to abuse people like me? Are people like me not entitled to a love life and are we to die alone as miserable old folk? :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Bepositivekeepstrong
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:19 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby Bepositivekeepstrong » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:37 pm

Ohh Cragchristopher88, some people are just incredibly ignorant and selfish.. they will never understand until they have been through mental illness themselves, and wouldn't know what hit them if they did!
But aren't you glad these people showed their true colours early on? Why do you feel that you want a relationship for xmas? You shouldn't rush into getting into a relationship my friend, you need a spontaneous TRUE relationship and that will come to you. When it does it won't feel fake, you won't have to put every effort in to be someone you are not, they should love you for who you are despite your difficulties, don't let anyone put you down because you don't work.
These days the media hype's up that people on benefits are lazy and unwilling when the majority are seriously unable to go to work and function. That's why most people see it as fraud because the only stories in the papers published are about fraudsters and lazy folk who take the benefit system we have for granted.
You won't die alone, your true love will come to you one day think of number one for now would be my advise! Don't ever think you aren't worth it, you seem to me like a very decent and very smart guy, so show those ladies that and don't hide your MH, be open and the genuine girl awaits you.

Trust me, I've been in too many fake relationships and the best came to me when I wasn't looking, I was in a mess with my MH, and he is one truly kind and caring, understanding person and I'm so glad I didn't chase the fake guys.
All the best man! Hope you are ok!

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judithj
Posts: 22771
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:25 pm
Location: Have you ever thought what it's like, to be wanderers in the fourth dimension?

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby judithj » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:56 pm

Alcohol is a depressant so you're best avoiding it if you have depression. That's number one. The second thing is that maybe you'd be better off looking for friends rather than romance: widening the circle of people that you know makes it much more likely that you will meet someone special, who will care about you as a person. Try not to feel embittered that you are "left out" and look for people you get on with. Not everyone is into "romance" by the way - I think you are looking for a fairy-tale love affair, and tbh, those don't exist. There's always something about a partner that can niggle - sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small - but there's no such thing as the perfect romance outside Hollywood or the pages of a book.
Look for friends and don't be in a hurry to jump into a relationship. Get to know someone first and don't expect the impossible. It will come and the more friends you have (real friends, who will talk to you, support you, laugh with you and cry on your shoulder - and who will let you do the same) the higher the chances not only that you will find the right person, but that you will have the skills to cope with the realities of a relationship, hugs Judith xxx

Bepositivekeepstrong
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:19 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby Bepositivekeepstrong » Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:42 pm

Yes judith, the alcohol needs to go!
And very true, a relationship would be nice, but on the other hand, there are more things than hugs and comfort between two people, theres responsibility and often complications, relationships are not the answer to happiness, you need to find your own true happiness. Theres all kinds of things in a relationship that could lead to more stressful and unwanted emotions, focus on number one!

craigchristopher88
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:21 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby craigchristopher88 » Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:26 pm

Well I guess 4 years on my own has made me more naive again with women. Plus women my age in my town are down right nasty. They want a guy who is doing good and has friends, doesn't drink alot and has his head screwed on right. Thanks for all your advise guys and gals.

Bepositivekeepstrong
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:19 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby Bepositivekeepstrong » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:12 pm

Yeh women can be nasty especially to each other mind!
You need to think of yourself for now, work towards getting well again, and then it's your chance to shine!
Keep your head up and make some plans to put into action, stop drinking and do things you enjoy, take things one small step at a time!
How are things now? Hope you are feeling better!
x

Mousebrown
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:01 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby Mousebrown » Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:56 am

In all fairness men can be very nasty to women on these dating sites, I've had friends try them and get nothing but abusive messages because a stranger has viewed there profile and decided not only are they not thin enough or young enough for them or they just plain don't look attractive enough to the person viewing there pics that they should also know about this by being sent an abusive message, I've seen some really horrible comments sent to my friend and all from total strangers there was no need for it, but people go on these sites and think they have a right to "select" and "Criticize".
Dating sites are like cattle markets for both men and women, its not really the best way to find a permanent partner, more a way to try to meet potential new people, a few do hit it off instantly but it is only a very few, many many more find it just brings so much pressure to conform to a silly stereotype of what attractive currently is, and actually men ask a lot about how much money the women have and get funny about if the women have jobs or not.
People often look for happiness in others, partly because we hope that if someone else knows how to be happy then we might by association with them become happy ourselves, but thats often a mistake, we have to accept that it is only by our own efforts towards ourselves that we can become content and happy.

Liquid
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 10:48 pm

Re: Dating sites = Abuse

Postby Liquid » Tue Nov 19, 2013 8:13 pm

Your trying to force something that needs to be natural, you are not alone, ever, we are all here on your side, we understand you, YOU WILL grasp life in both hands one day and that special women will find you, for now you have to stay strong, physically aswell as mentally.

I wish you every bit of luck for the future.


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