Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Hate myself

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
Orangetaxi
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:45 am

Hate myself

Postby Orangetaxi » Fri Aug 17, 2012 10:40 pm

There are so many things that I hate about myself!! I hate the fact that I'm quite overweight bur yet still constantly comfort eat. I hate the fact that my house is a tip yet I don't tidy it I just sit and cry about the state of it. I hate,the fact that I'm so snappy at my daughter and don't actually do anything nice with her. I know she's extra clingy because she senses mummy isn't right but I din't do anything to help her feel better. All I do is put the tv on for her. I promised her we'd go to the park today bur I disn't take her. I hate the fact that I felt so tired,all dayand came to bed for an early night and yet now my mind is going on overdrive.


I hate that I wish my friends wouldn't bother getting in touch with me. I hatethat I lie to my mum about how I am. I hate that I'm suspicious of everyone. I hate the fact that after over 15, years of this stuff I still don't seem to be able to control my emotions or ny thoughts.


I could go on and on

I am useless and I hate me

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: Hate myself

Postby Lucretia » Fri Aug 17, 2012 11:22 pm

you are not useless!!!!!!!!
youve helpe me so much the last couple of days
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
overweight-who cares,you are lovely.your daughter is lucky to have you,ok you arent feeling at your best right now,and it sounds as though you are feeling overwhelmed and like things are getting on top of you.but these things can be sorted.
i think you are being to hard on yourself,it sounds like you have a lot to cope with,and feel like you are coping alone.im not surprised you feel you dont have the strength right now to do much with your daughter-but im sure she understands
the last paragraph,about feeling suspicious,being unable to control your emotions.are you getting any help with any of this,such as counselling?
if yur friends cant be there for you right now,somebody needs to be supporting you.i think you need some professional support,maybe just to help you feel in control of some things again-like a support worker or social worker
x
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

Orangetaxi
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:45 am

Re: Hate myself

Postby Orangetaxi » Sat Aug 18, 2012 9:51 am

Thanks Lucretia x I am getting support from my Cpn and she has organised for me to see my psychiatrist on Wednesday.My partner is,so very good and so are my friends but sometimes I just want them all to go away if that makes sense? Right now I'm still upstairs in bed and I can hear my partner and daughter downstairs and I am thinking that I really don't want to have to get up and join them. It's too much hard work to make conversation if that makes sense? And my daughter is only 3 so she doesn't really get the idea of giving mummy peace and quiet. I do.'t think U want to die I think I just want to go to sleep for a few days

Virella
Posts: 2406
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:53 pm
Location: North West England
Contact:

Re: Hate myself

Postby Virella » Sat Aug 18, 2012 10:10 am

sorry you're feeling like this steph. You seem to be a lovely person who's always ready to help others, so you're definitely not useless. How about sitting and watching a Disney film with your little girl? From past experience it normally keeps them Quiet for a couple of hours, and it means you're spending time with her? Xxx

Avalon
Posts: 1247
Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: Hate myself

Postby Avalon » Sat Aug 18, 2012 10:53 am

Steph it sounds like a good idea to be seeing your psychiatrist soon. Hopefully they will increase/change meds or suggest some other treatment or therapy for you. Hang in there x

Orangetaxi
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:45 am

Re: Hate myself

Postby Orangetaxi » Sat Aug 18, 2012 12:38 pm

Thanks Leeanne and Avalon. Yeah I think that seeing the psychiatrist is a good ideatoo. My VPN is convinced I need my meds changed. She is probably right. I'm a bit nervous though in case it makes things worse instead of better.

Am about to get dressed and go with my partner to take my miss toots to the park. I know I will feel.better about myself and do it. Then I think we may have cuddles, DVD and sweets :)

Steph x

Lucretia
Posts: 8716
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:02 am
Location: birmingham

Re: Hate myself

Postby Lucretia » Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:22 am

hi.i hope you had a good time,at the park and watching the dvd?
x
dont be too nervous about the meds change.they will monitor you for signs that the medication isnt helping,and try another medication if it looks like you are feeling worse
x
maybe some type of talking therapy could help too?
x
It's nice to be important ,but it's more important to be nice
xxxxxx


non muggle and proud

Orangetaxi
Posts: 102
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:45 am

Re: Hate myself

Postby Orangetaxi » Sun Aug 19, 2012 10:30 am

Hi lucretia yes we had a good time at the park thanks then came home and played out in back garden as it was a lovely day. I was quite enjoying it until one of my neighbours started talking to me. There is nothing wrong with my neighbour I'm just anti social. I wanted to scream at her to stop talking and then all the paranoid thoughts started - is she looking at me funny? Is she laughing at me? I really dont know why I just can't be normal and have a casual conversation with my neighbour?? I am definitely just weird :?

Steph x

loz7
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2012 3:44 pm

Re: Hate myself

Postby loz7 » Sun Aug 19, 2012 7:28 pm

I very nearly posted on this about 4 hours ago but the kids needing to go to bed put the jinx on that.

Then you replied to my post in the newbies :) so I don't feel too weird commenting on your post now!

What I was *going* to say was it sounds a very familiar story. My partner could have written that word for word, so you're definitely not weird. Are you better on some days with 'neighbours and acquaintances' than others? In our house we talk about spoons.

No, bear with me. It's like each day you get an allocation of spoons, that you need to spend on doing things (talking to people who aren't close, dealing with noise, dealing with conflict, doing chores and doing the things you want to do). Each day the number of spoons you wake up with is different and once you've run out of spoons, that's it for the day - sploof - into a heap. When you're using your subconscious as well (worrying about stuff, fending people off, sorting out problems) that saps spoons from your pile.

Hope that makes some kind of cutlery/psychology sense.

And thanks for your pyjama support on my thread :). Even the fact that you feel you can help someone else out when you're feeling rubbish yourself makes you ok folks in my book.

loz7
'One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...'

Virella
Posts: 2406
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 2:53 pm
Location: North West England
Contact:

Re: Hate myself

Postby Virella » Sun Aug 19, 2012 8:05 pm

lol at one point i was convinced my neighbour was a murderer who builds coffins next door. Poor bloke was only laying laminate flooring! So you're definitely not weird ;-) xxx


Return to “Rant Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 17 guests