Diary entry I crashed yesterday. Too tired, too hungry. Continued with the self-care by having a nice walk for a few miles. I was utterly exhausted so I chose to eat some chicken to supplement the rabbit food I have been eating for the last 7 days. That led to eating somewhere North of 2,000 calorie...

Diary entry 21 June So, the first few days away from work have highlighted how tense I am and how tense I have been. Mindfulness will be good to address this. Without the stress of work, I think I can find the focus to meditate again. A major stressor is my poor physical health. Not only does it pre...

Diary entry 1 June Decision day re suicide is a long way off yet. It is simply an escape hatch, so I know that I have a choice. Truth is, I am not sure I would ever make that choice now. I have come so far, the impetus to actually be completely self destructive just isn't there anymore. Still import...

2am and don't want to sleep, Too scared of the nightmares. Slept for a few hours this afternoon, after a bad night Sunday, and had horrible dreams. Those ones that jerk you awake but the sleep paralysis is still active, you are terrified but can't move, slip back into sleep despite your best efforts...

Diary Entry 9 May 2020 I am really proud of myself for stepping away from a friend's troubles yesterday. I wanted to help and I was helping but I realised I have been spending all of my free time doing so, I was feeling all the stress second hand. I told her I couldn't do any more. I'm good with tha...

Diary Entry 2/05/2020

I can confirm that the thought of my friend needing me allowed me to lay down and go to sleep, pretty much as soon as I finished my last post. If I can learn to value myself as much then I am on a winner.

Diary Entry 1 May 2020

... BUT, I promised a friend I would do something important for her tomorrow, something I need my brain for. If I won't go to sleep for me, I think I may to avoid letting down a friend.

Diary Entry 1 May 2020 So, anxiety is playing its games. I didn't sleep Weds night, had a couple of naps between clearing urgent work on Thursday (benefit of working from home :) ) but I've now not slept since 2pm Thursday afternoon. Admittedly, I've had a hell of a lot of caffeine in the same perio...

So, following my last post, I have decided to be more organised, that counter-intuitively, a sense of freedom may come from self discipline. I will see how it goes. I was thinking of ending counselling when lockdown is lifted. I have gone over and come to terms with as much as my childhood as I coul...

Some random thoughts from the last few days. Re-parenting ourselves equals accepting, comforting, supporting and consoling ourselves with empathy, warmth and respect. Warmth and respect for who we are now as well as who we were then. I am not something broken that needs to be fixed, I am someone who...