4 August 2020 So, since my last post, I have been engaging in self care. That was until today, counselling day. One day a week is affordable though. I will see how I behave for the rest of this week. I've been struggling with the whole idea of self compassion for a while. I know it is key to making ...

29 July 2020 I don't know what I am feeling following my last counselling session. I know I've lost time this evening, for the first time in a very long time. Only a couple of hours but still disconcerting. Disassociation city. I know I feel the same strange relaxation I did immediately after the se...

Thanks C.J.

Each to their own. Glad your partner is doing better.

Just had an F'ing intense counselling session. Intellectually, I know my mother was incapable of loving her children but emotionally, I am still asking why. Contacted that question of younger me and those emotions. Fk, that was a tough experience.

It has been hard but good to sit with, and explore, these emotions. It is a vicious circle, the sense of never having been loved by my family leads me to believe I am not good enough and that no one could love me, therefore I am too scared to make myself vulnerable enough to try. Better not to do a...

Thanks So Sad. The problem with these emotion thingies is that once they start they often prompt others. It is so painful and has been so hard to live with never having been loved, never having anyone to give my love to without penalty. It is even more painful to feel my belief that I never will hav...

The problem with these emotion thingies is that once they start they often prompt others. It is so painful and has been so hard to live with never having been loved, never having anyone to give my love to without penalty. It is even more painful to feel my belief that I never will have anything like...

Today was my first real counselling session following lockdown. It wiped me out, I went home and slept for hours. It was a rough experience to get in touch with the emotions of teenage me, to put them into context and attempt self-comforting. It worked to an extent but I wasn't quite able to take t...

Thanks

The most important thing for me has been to learn to tolerate my feelings, that has created room to explore them. This diary goes back to 2016 and I had been working hard on my MH for years before that. It is a marathon, not a sprint. You will get there too.

Diary Entry I've let the diet and exercise slide to some extent the last week. I want to get back on track. An interesting thing I learned is that an overfull stomach feels uncomfortable, heavy, and brings down my mood. I am in touch with my body and my feelings enough to recognise this! I thought I...