06/03/21 Diary Entry Still believe focusing on changing my victim mentality is essential to my recovery. Still believe that will have to wait until lockdown is over. I need social events to change my internal view of myself as a small and vulnerable child to the reality of a large, strong, capable, ...

Diary Entry Things are ok, aside from lockdown. Yesterday I had a long (distanced but physically present) lunch with a friend I've not seen in eighteen months. It was soooo enjoyable and really brought home how much I miss my friends and human contact. Lockdown considered, I'm doing well. Most of Ja...

24 Dec 2020 Been a while since I've made a diary entry. I've been consolidating the gains from all of my recent work. Not much I can do about the social side in these locked down times and I feel the lack of other people keenly, but overall things have been pretty good. Emotional flashbacks have me ...

Diary Entry 17/10/20 Reading a book by the founder of Internal Family Systems Therapy. I keep laughing, this theory is the kind of self-contradicting nonsense that gives psychotherapy a bad name. Still hoping there my be some useful practical techniques, but I'm up to page 57 and he has already invo...

Next Steps I have come so far in the last ten years of successful work on my mental health (and in four years of this diary!). This post is to set out my next steps. The hope is that I can take these steps in parallel with engaging more in life, building on the immense positive changes I have alread...

I went back to work after a couple of weeks. Didn't feel up to it (still don't, had real trouble leaving the house yesterday morning) but I needed to protect my employment and besides, when you fall off of your bike, it is best to climb back on ASAP. Just have to be careful to take time out for me ...

Diary Entry 10 October 2020 I seem to have found a cause to fight for, a goal to aim for, and it is me. Diary Entry Monday, 12 October 2020 I have been feeling so much better since I finished drawing out so many emotions in counselling. I can now sit quietly at home and while not quite at ease with ...

My above post illustrates my pessimism and despair. Remembering that I couldn't have imagined being who I am today a couple of years a go, reminds me that anything may happen. Explored the pessimism and despair last night, saw them for what they are, a waste of head space. The pessimism is a learned...

So, I'm trying to reconcile myself to probably never having a relationship. I'm well into my forties, it has been fifteen years since I have dated. These days, I am morbidly obese, food is my only coping mechanism, I cannot see myself losing significant weight anytime soon. I find it hard to accept ...

Diary Entry 30 September Said goodbye to my counsellor of 18 months yesterday, I'll really miss her. Tears and hugs occurred. Was really nice that she didn't charge me for the session. Made so many gains working together. The big dog is that I am now beginning to value myself and feel good about mys...