My mood has been really down for a while now. I keep going through the motions but nothing seems to have meaning. I have lost hope, I need to find it again. Still got well over a year before my target date to make a decision on if it is worth carrying on. I suppose what I really want is for my brain...

Working from home due to the corona virus. I know that I am not in the most risky demographics. I know that a key reason governments are seeking to restrict movements is simply to try and prevent the most vulnerable 20% from being infected. This is because healthcare resources, particularly the avai...

Really struggling to emotionally acknowledge my childhood experiences. Counsellor had me write a letter as a child and a compassionate response as an adult. I did the first part ok but I really couldn't raise any sense of compassion for my child-self in the response. I could write out the words but ...

So, uncovering and experiencing emotions is great but how do I deal with feeling terrified just sitting at home alone? Fear taints every waking and sleeping moment, the cause from so long ago. Trying to accept it, trying to self soothe but it is so tough.

Hi Em! * waves like... well, like a madman *

Diary Entry It turns out that removing undeserved shame and guilt from myself has created room for me to see any number of things differently. Last week a friend asked me to reconsider my mistrust of someone else. Previously that would have left me defensive but that didn't happen. I genuinely took ...

Hi Beachcomber (and hi BIR!) I agree it is a postcode lottery. If you don't fancy the GP route then in many areas you can go to your local NHS Mental Health Trust website to self refer. In my experience, once you get to the NHS treatment they are very good, if time limited. Some NHS trusts will refe...

For many years I have struggled with a gordian knot of emotion that I cannot identify or process. I leads me to feeling like I will explode. It is that which leads me to distract myself via overeating, drinking, etc. Following from my current work of not accepting shame and guilt for things that wer...

Diary Entry Not my shame, not my guilt. That was the thought I had when digesting my previous post, when I was just beginning to realise the following. 1. I am not responsible for my parents, not their feelings, not their lives. They were responsible for mine a long time ago. If they chose to neglec...

I have digested the events in my above post about boxing day. I have known for a long time that I was not to blame for my childhood. That my parents were at best neglectful, manipulative and putting all responsibility on me, at worse they were deliberately malicious. It was their judgement that I wa...