I have digested the events in my above post about boxing day. I have known for a long time that I was not to blame for my childhood. That my parents were at best neglectful, manipulative and putting all responsibility on me, at worse they were deliberately malicious. It was their judgement that I wa...

Hi Claire & BIR. Mention my name and I appear :lol: Narcissistic parents can be a nightmare. The following article really spoke to me. https://psychcentral.com/lib/narcissistic-mothers/ There is loads of info and advice available via google. I recently stumbled across https://www.reddit.com/r/ra...

Hi BIR!

Lovely to hear from you. I hope all is as good as it can be for you.

I don't really post outside of my diary these days. I find I have nothing to say.
This site seems to be very quiet these days. There are more active forums out there. I used mentalhealthforum.net for a while.

Christmas... I had the usual unnamed dread and unhappiness Christmas eve and Christmas day but they soon passed, in about 24 hrs each :D Today I carried out my annual 'duty' and visited my mother. Was there attention seeking? Check. Manipulative behaviour? Check. Overblown histronics? Check. Sly ins...

Diary entry The worst of the recurring nightmares I mentioned in my previous post was sorted by working through it in counselling but that opened the door to new, if less weighty, nightmares. Went back on the meds yesterday. I've noticed good and bad in being off the meds but my mood is definitely o...

So, being med free has been interesting. My mood did dip for a while and I was going to return to the pills. Stayed off for another week and I started to stabilize. Stabilized lower than par but stable all the same. Some things seem easier because I am more grounded, easier to do the little things, ...

Diary entry I went cold turkey on my head-meds a little over two weeks ago. Don't have anything against meds. Was feeling trapped / stuck and figured shaking up my brain chemistry may help. I feel more stable but suspect my mood is creeping down. I want to continue to monitor this and get back on th...

I will get hammered or eat pizza to feel free for a night, Well, that was an interesting choice of words. I'm toying with the idea that I feel trapped by everything, by life itself. That I am not so much looking for an escape as for release. I suspect some re-framing of some of my basic premises in...

My last diary entry was about what I want and self sabotage. This entry is about the inner emptiness that sucks the joy from me into a vacuum that can never be filled. I have changed my life massively over the past 8 years. I have a good job, a home, I have made friends, I make new friends, I get in...

Diary entry What do I want? I want a relationship. I want more friends. I want more experiences I want to be as healthy as I can be for as long as I can be. I know what I need to do to improve my life, I know how to do it and I am capable of it but that fear of a different type of life, a different ...